yep
Dear Ian,
I don’t know anymore.
I need you to communicate with me. I don’t understand why words are so hard. I have had to say hard words.. I have been pushed to the brink where I was forced to say them. And what was the worst part was no one heard what I said… but only what they wanted to hear.
Here I am eagerly, like a dehydrated sponge in the desert, pining for anything, any words, any ANYTHINGS. ANY communication. ANY. And there is none.
You know I am so open minded. You know I will listen to anyone’s any opinion, and understand even if not agree. You know I am supportive beyond the point of reason (and you say so). Any situation any decision.
I would understand the worst criminal, because, no one purposely sets out to hurt another. People just want to help themselves.
But I don’t understand.
The only reason is.... perhaps that you’ve lied for this entire time. That there is a lie bigger than you know how to handle.
I hope you know I do have PTSD from the lies from my past.
And I know you realise this situation… is just building more and more distrust in me about you.
I am starting to think everything is a lie.
Because everything before once was.
I am starting to think everything is an excuse.
and my blind assurance that what you tell me is true, is the truth, then everyone else tells me you aren’t being truthful.
When in the past I caught you out in a lie....
I have given you countless opportunities to come forward with either proof or confessions, and I have had neither.
If I catch you in this lie… if this has been false all of this time.
My heart breaks… right in two.
and it’s a deal breaker.
please realise… this is serious.
This is my heart.
I need honesty.
Honesty please.
I love you
But I have to protect myself.... from lies.. and the past repeating itself.
SP
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