10:43pm
So of course the world likes to mess with me. Has there ever been any doubt in that? I was just scrolling through fb, as per usual, and I see that JR liked a picture of some clients of ours announcing they’re having another baby. This couple happens to be the same that owned the property where he was living for a while. As I glanced down at the comments I saw someone I recognized and started reading what they’d written. It was weird because initially my brain thought it was JR’s comment and then it took several seconds for it to click that the name read: T F.
Oh. Duh. Why not? There’s dozens of comments on that picture and the one at the top of the list that appears happens to be his. And it’s this whole little paragraph where he’s joking about the guy and saying he’s just hating and good job and making more jokes and damnit.
I thought that the Sheriff was going to be a really good distraction for me. And he was, for like a day. Now it seems like I’m going to stare at that damn closed door for so long that I might miss out on ones that open.
I really am trying here but I just can’t seem to get my head on straight. It’s so confusing all the thoughts running through my head on a constant basis.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’m going to sit around and wait and hope that some day we figure things out. That’s not what I’m doing at all. I’m still living my life and trying my best. I’ll still call the Sheriff on Monday to find out how his implant removal surgery goes and I can almost guarantee I’ll continue to flirt with him. I’m just going with it. Doing whatever feels right in the moment. There’s not much else I can do. I can’t live my life worrying that I’m making the wrong moves. And I certainly cannot spend my life waiting for TF to become the person I need/want him to be. So it is what it is and I’ll just have to have faith that I’m travelling in the right direction.
11:19pm
rose.
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