1.) On a cosmic scale, all tattoos are temporary.
2.) Cobra’s hypnotist Dr. Mindbender is the evil twin to G.I. Joe’s marriage counselor Dr. Bindmender.
3.) All us old guys on our laptops/all you young kids on your phones/all together in a cafe on the Twitter/bitching how we feel alone.
4.) Just like a Taco Bell ad, Sleepaway Camp ends with a dong.
5.) Y’all moved time and space and broke all the rules to not have a woman president, now a woman rules all time and space. Suck it, MRAs.
6.) Blink-182 naturally decays into two atoms of Terrible Green Day-91.
7.) Open mic tip: if you’re coming up after a jam band, you probably definitely have time to get in that trip to the restroom.
8.) Your hipster molecular-gastronomy ice cream shop will be called Cirque De Sorbet.