Longtime Companion in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

  • July 5, 2017, 10:58 p.m.
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The weekend was exactly what I needed. It had so many shades to it and it was amazingly complex, although sickeningly simple at the same time. I wondered how it was going to go especially since Richard and I haven’t really seen each other since the night my grandmother went into the hospital, nor have we really talked about things between us. Plus, although I had already spent one weekend visiting with my friend Shellby from college, I realized that my friend Eric had been the catalyst that weekend to make things move smoothly with all parties. I worried that my social anxiety would rear its ugly head and derail the calm weekend for which I was hoping.

I needn’t have worried.

I don’t know what it is. Put aside the whole romance aspect, Richard and I have such an ease around each other. We have such complementary personalities, I’ve never experienced anything like that with anyone in my life. We slide into a rhythm: we laugh, we talk, we get ready, we eat, we go out. It’s complete synchronicity.

We went to his work and got a drink, and then headed to a club with his friend, but looking back, I noticed something. Things that have been bothering me about myself lately completely disappear when I’m around him. My social anxiety is gone. I don’t drink nearly as much as I do when I’m alone which I attribute to the fact that I’m generally in a better mood when I’m around him. I don’t check out men when he’s around. Sure, I notice that there’s a muscular man dancing in his underwear on a platform two feet to my right, but it doesn’t matter. I feel nothing for that stranger other than curiosity, the kinds of mundane curiosities I have toward nearly all strangers (i.e. I wonder what his life is like, does he have a day job, what is his workout routine, of what foods does he deprive himself, is THAT real, I bet it’s a sock, do they make professional “fake dick” socks for this… uhh… industry, etc.).

I just felt incredibly content being with him. So content I told him what I confessed in my New Years entry. I told him I wanted to marry him some day. I wouldn’t say it made things awkward, but it definitely set a tone. Our behavior didn’t change but it was more intentional. When we held hands, it was very pointed.

The next morning, we met up with Shellby at Pier 39 and grabbed food. I was happy that Richard and Shellby hit it off so well. Shellby has lived in San Francisco for almost a year, but being the SoCal girl that she is, she hasn’t really found too many friends in SF. Richard lived in LA for three years, enough so that they can talk about Shellby’s home but he lived in San Francisco for almost 10 years, so he’s more well-versed in the lingo of the Bay Area.

I liked not having to be the center of attention, I could just sit back and enjoy the sunshine. The Rocketboat was incredibly fun! Seriously, if you’re ever in San Francisco, go ride the Rocketboat at Pier 39. It’s like a very wet rollercoaster that takes you under the Bay Bridge. There’s a video somewhere, when he sends it to me, I’ll post it because it’s just him screaming ROCKETBOAT!! over and over again. It was the longest video, and I made the joke, “How did you get 45 minutes of video when the ride was only 25 minutes?!”

Afterward, we rode the carousel and played some video game thing. Richard and Shellby were really proud of their scores. I was just happy to be with them. I had completely forgotten that hundreds of miles away they were sending off my grandmother to the hereafter.

I spent the next night at Shellby’s. It’s fine because Richard had to work and Shellby lives in the Castro so it’s perfectly fun. The truth is, though, I went to bed. I was tired from all the activity of the day. I slept wonderfully, much more peacefully than I do at home. I awoke the next morning and grabbed breakfast with Shellby. We hung out, talked and made plans for me to come back and visit soon.

I’m really thankful I am friends with her. When she first messaged me earlier this year, I thought it was really odd. We’d done a few group projects in school together but we hadn’t really socialized (mainly because I didn’t socialize too much with the people at school, and I would later find out, neither did she). But I figured that she was as close as I could get to Los Angeles right now and I’m glad I did. She and I really do get along.

Shellby had to go to work and I was going to stop by Richard’s work to grab a drink before I caught my train home. We said our good-byes and I was making my way through the streets of San Francisco on a beautiful day. When I got to Richard’s work, the SF Eagle, it was already packed. I bought my beer and carried all my gear to the patio. Sure enough, I saw him coming around a corner… and his work uniform was INCREDIBLY SEXY.

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He took my bags and told me that he’d be in Sacramento the very next day for the Independence Day holiday, so we would see each other again, and that I had to go over to his house for the 4th because his dad and stepmom were expecting me.

I went home. Went to sleep. Got up in the morning and went to work like a good adult. Then I went home, took a nap, and met up with Richard who was hanging with Nate. The three of us have all known each other since 2004. We were the three funny guys. Each of us quick-witted but with a different bend. Richard was the slapstick. Nate was the wordplay. I was the sarcasm. We were like the Witches of Eastwick of Comedy.

There was another guy there who was totally hitting on Richard, and I found myself getting jealous. Like really jealous. I haven’t had that feeling in a long time… like more than 10 years. And I could feel it rising within me like a dragon. But I just calmed myself down and reminded myself that Richard wasn’t actually mine, and he was free to do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted.

It was really difficult but I refused to act crazy.

I don’t want to be the jealous guy. I’ve been Richard’s friend who tries to put his boyfriends in perspective about how Richard is like a yellow lab running at people. He loves everyone. He’s friendly to everyone, even people who hurt him. Especially people who hurt him. It’s one of the things I love most about him. I don’t want him to change for me.

I took him home (the other guy was NOT happy about that) and he insisted we get Del Taco (his name on social media is Snaxcident for God’s sake), and so there we were listening to the cheesiest music in a packed Del Taco drive thru at 2am. I looked at him and warned him that I was going to make another confession to him, “What, you love me? You want to marry me?” I just shook my head and told him how I had felt jealous. He laughed and told me it was nothing. He just loved dancing with that guy. And it was fine. I had gotten out of that one relatively unscathed.

The next day, I headed over to his father’s house in the afternoon. Originally there were supposed to be other people there, including Nate and his boyfriend, but in the end, it was just Richard, his parents and myself. We cuddled on a couch. I talked to his father who asked me to tell the story of how Richard and I met. Richard’s stepmother is one of those people who has to talk constantly and ceaselessly. It’s fine, but I can see it sometimes irritates Richard. I like his family. They’re messy but that’s because they are openly loving in a way that my family never is.

That night, I told Richard about the talk I had had with his father. I told him some of the amazing compliments that his father had given him. And I told him how his father had asked for the story of how we met. And then I told Richard something he didn’t know:

“You know, the night we met wasn’t a coincidence. I had seen you two weeks before in the group meeting. I tried to find you afterward but you had already left. Next week you didn’t come to the meeting and someone had said that you skipped it to go hang out with some guy. Well, I ran around everywhere asking people where you went. I asked Paul who used to work at the sex shop. I asked Mikey Bear who worked at the cafe. I asked the coffee shop lesbian. But it wasn’t until next week that I found you.”

“You went looking for me?”

“You were really funny and I just really wanted a friend.”

Last updated July 05, 2017

Deleted user July 06, 2017


KissOfLife! July 07, 2017

Oh you and Richard are adorable, no matter what happens. I love how you guys are just natural and open and even vulnerable. His parents sound pretty cool. I love that cut-off top pic!
My brother is in Cali at the moment with some mates and I'm envious! He started off in Orange County and seems to currently be in San Diego.
Pier 39 does sound cool.

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