1:45pm
I am at work again. I should set that up like a signature line or something. An intro line? I don’t know. It really shouldn’t be that way during this part of the year. Technically I’m scheduled one day a week. [I know, I know! Thank my lucky stars!] We’re usually in here 3-5 days a week. Some times behind closed doors but usually to meet clients who can’t seem to come in during our regular hours. And they all want to come in on weekends. Don’t they know I’m lazy and want to be doing nothing all day. Geez! =|
Ok. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not really complaining here. Just recording the way this off-season is going. It’s just not usually this busy. But I am totally and completely grateful that I can actually live this kind of life. I do know how lucky I am. I promise!
I guess I have to make up for all the travelling I did last year. This time last year I was spending almost an entire month in Texas taking care of my brother. I spent so many days on the road. 18 states. Give or take a couple. So this year must just be the year to make up for all that time off I got.
I’m not even sure I want to do much travelling this year. I seem to have an aversion to it. I want to be in my own bed, in my own room, and doing my own thing. I don’t want to be on the road this year. I don’t want to be away. I don’t even know why. There’s nothing holding me here!
Last year I actually had stuff I wanted to do around town here and I had all of these obligations to be gone. I mean, it worked out ok. It worked out exactly the way it was supposed to. But I still wanted to do more. I don’t know. I’m all conflicted about everything these days.
I’m reading this book, How to fall out of love. Don’t mock! It’s a very interesting book. Funny story: I ended up with this book [1st published in the late 70s] because the professors around the Psych department used to periodically clean out their offices and would leave the books with us at the front desk. I don’t remember if someone specifically gave me this stack of books, or if I poked through them and took whatever was interesting. It’s a really good read based on behavior therapy.
I skimmed through it once years ago when I first got the book. I wasn’t in love or anything, but the techniques apply to so many different things. I actually used a couple of the suggestions in it to help me get over my public speaking anxiety and it totally worked! Not even kidding. It was so great for me!
Then I packed the book away and let it float with me through several moves and end up on my bookcase here at home. I haven’t touched it in a long time. I think I looked at it once a couple years ago but didn’t do much with it. I’ve never read it all the way through.
A few weeks ago I was lying in bed staring at my shelf and picked the book up. I read through the intro and left it for about another week until I finally decided I wanted to read all the way through. So I put it in the bathroom because that’s about the only place I sit still long enough to get any reading done. [That’s not TMI is it? haha] I think I might have a super mild case of ADD lately because I cannot stop moving. I’m so easily distracted. Even now I stop every sentence or two to look out the window or multi-task on something else unimportant. hah. I know it’s not really ADD. It just feels that way.
So, anyway, the book is good. I’m only through the first technique, which is the one I used previously for the classroom speaking so I already know how it works. I’ve been doing it off and on since things started with TF. Or since things ended? I don’t know. Whatever.
Thoughts, either way, are definitely a lot less frequent than they were a couple months ago. I can go hours without any memories crossing my mind.
And no, I was not in love with him. I never even got the chance to get that close to him. But there was definitely a lust relationship with him. I was so into that! And it wasn’t even a thing! Imagine if it was… le sigh
I’m working on it. I’m getting better. I swear. I will move on. I will see him again some day and I will look right into his eyes and not die. It’s all good. It’ll be all good.
Let’s see if I can sneak out of here soon. I mentioned that JR’s dad invited us to his birthday party, right? It’s tonight at 5pm out on some ranch off of some country road. hah. Typical! He’d tried to explain the directions to me but I’m no good at that stuff [it’s like when the Sheriff kept trying to get me to understand where his property was located and I had no idea what he was talking about!]. I ended up calling JR last night to see if he could explain better.
Turns out he gave me almost the exact same directions. [Six miles down this road. Left. A mile or two down that road…] ha! But at least with him I can admit I’m a dope and have no idea what he’s talking about. I didn’t want to look bad in front of his dad. =P So he explained a little further and I think I can manage. I’m just going to wing it and see how it goes.
Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that his dad came in to personally invite us and remind us, I wouldn’t be going at all. It’s not my thing. Large group of strangers gathered together in an unknown location. Fun! =\
I hope there’s booze.
rose.
3:54pm
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