1nd in Hey, buddy, got a light?

I always had to go ‘shopping’ when I was little.
Did I get to go home after I got picked up from school? NO.
Nope, it was time to go pick up grandma and go thrift shopping.
AND I DIDN’T EVEN GET STUFF HALF THE TIME.
Not anything out of the salvation army reject toy bin, not any blueblocker senior citizen terminator glasses, not even discount corduroys!
You know what I DO remember getting when I DID get something on the rare- very rare occasion?
A BOOK, AND A FLORIDA GATORS T-SHIRT.
It was some retarded bathroom reading book, something akin to MAD magazine meeting some adult jokes you’d find in a playboy.
Imagine my surprise the first time I thumbed through a playboy and DIDN’T see nudity on every page! I was like WHAT?! THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAVE BEEN LEAD TO BELIEVE SHOULD BE IN HERE AT ALL! And I adjusted my monocle and laughed a nobleman’s laugh.

It’s already getting hot here, stupid california.
How are you, though?
We don’t talk about that enough.