Snow-White And The Passion Cake in Scottish Meanderings

Ok - several of you have asked for the poem I'd written for the writing group so I'm being very brave here. Please bear in mind this was written in about 4 hours with a 3 hour break in between and still needs a lot of tweaking but as you can imagine it was a lot of fun to read!

’Twas gone 4 a.m. in the White House
And ne’re a creature stirred
cos everyone living was dead to the world
And a mystery was being unfurled.

The day before Snow had been busy
Despite being a little distracted
For the Prince himself was paying her a visit
And to him she was more than attracted.

But he was betrothed to a lady
To one far more pretty than she
This girl was the envy of many young things
- So Snow arranged afternoon tea.

For she knew that the way to the heart
Of a man that she fancied like mad
Was - amongst other things - through his stomach
Whilst being very scantily clad.

So she shopped till she dropped all that morning
And prepared a delectable spread
And then - well - because stranger things have happened
She - just in case - changed the bed.

Then she dressed herself up in satin and lace
And she looked in the mirror with pride
The most beautiful dress adorned her fine form
Snow smiled to herself, satisfied.

Now with it being Easter, the dwarves were off work
But they had been NO HELP at all!
In fact Sleepy and Dopey and Grumpy as well
Were in BED when the Prince came to call!

"Why come in Sir!" she gushed as she opened the door
"Please - have a seat here by the fire"
She noticed his eyes they went straight to her chest
And just knew he was filled with desire.

She left the dear man to temper his lust
And poured out the sweet tea when ready
Her fingers touched his as she gave him his cup
And made her feel giddy and heady.

Going back to the kitchen she opened the fridge
Her pièce de resistance, left last!
A passion cake baked, and now left to cool
But she stood at the door - aghast.

For there in the fridge was a plate full of nothing
Of the cake not a crumb did remain
She stood there unable to take it all in
Controlling her anger - in vain.

Smiling so sweetly and crossing the room,
She shut the door ever so quietly
Then she stood at the foot of the stairs and she hollered
"GET DOWN HERE THIS SECOND AND SEE ME!"

The Prince spilled his tea he got such a fright
His ardour it cooled straight away
Where WAS the delectable creature he’d seen?
Not a minute before this fine day?

He opened the door and there was our Snow
Hands placed on her hips in a fury
Her eyes were like thunder her mouth open wide
She screamed and she cursed like a Banshee.

"I’ll let myself out" the Prince softly said
"Oh bugger" was all she replied
"You vile little men - you’ve ruined my plans!
I’ll have you for this!" And sitting down, cried.

Just at that point Doc came home from work
"Why Snow-white - whatever’s the matter?"
"Those gluttons up there ate my cake" Snow-white sobbed
"I had the Prince there on a platter!"

Then Grumpy and Happy and Sleepy appeared
Followed by Bashful and Dopey
"We never had cake - we’ve been sleeping all day!"
"Well who did then? Hang on - where’s our Sneezy?"

And THEN came the biggest and loudest of sneezes
It blasted the pantry door wide!
And there sat poor Sneezy his mouth full of frosting
"I’m sorry! I’m sorry!" he cried.

"I’m trying to lose weight - Doc gave me a diet
But I find it so hard to be good!
I was hungry last night so came down for a drink
But all that I wanted was food!"

And then you appeared and I wanted to sneeze
But I couldn’t or you would have heard me.
So I stuffed some more cake in and filled up my mouth
And ran and hid in the pantry."

It was Doc who laughed first - a big rumble of thunder
Then all of the others came after
Only Sneezy sat quiet and then turned quite green
And ran for the loo 'midst more laughter.

"You guys crack me up" said Snow-white at last
"You’re better than any old consort."
"I’m sorry I yelled - it was only a cake
Let’s go have some tea. Life’s too short!"