4.11.17
3:44pm
I guess not having the boy thing going on gives me a lot less to talk about. I don’t know what to talk about. Just work going on these days. I’m getting super stressed out. Today in particular because my damn phone line is static and my internet keeps cutting out. It’s hard to do just about anything around here without the internet and so it’s frustrating to have to sit around waiting for the stupid thing to kick back on. It doesn’t even make sense that it’s going all wonky. It has to be something in their stupid lines. I did call to report it and when they got back to me the lady said she’d have a tech out before 5pm. I called before noon and still have yet to see anyone, but he’s got an hour left to come by.
I’ve dealt with several of them in the past and all but one are a bunch of morons so I hate calling them to come out. I’d almost rather wait for the thing to fix itself because if it’s one of the morons he’ll touch something, f*ck it up, charge me for touching my equipment, and then leave me to deal with the aftermath. So I’ll end up having to fix it myself anyway. Of course that’ll increase my stress levels by like 1000. I’d rather not deal.
The Universe will work itself out. I’m not even going to worry.
And I say that but I don’t actually follow my own advice.
I think a big thing today was that I started getting hungry super early, before noon, which is totally rare. I almost never get hungry before like 2 or 3 because I have such a good breakfast. It’s my favorite meal of the day. I always super indulge in the amazingness and mostly on purpose because you never know when you’ll have time for your next meal around here. So when I got hungry it was super weird and I should have done something about it immediately but didn’t. My mistake because I know I’m going to get cranky and I know that if I don’t take advantage of time to eat I might not get another chance. Then the combination of all that meant that I was all frazzled and annoyed by the world. I did end up having a plate of zucchini and some chips and a lot of water and I felt alright after.
For the last hour or so I’ve been dealing with these two little kids that belong to a client and I am not sure I’m made to be around small humans. I mean, it would probably be different if they were my own kids, or ones I could discipline. hah! Oh well. I’m not sure parents pay enough attention to kids and so they’re just seeking some contact. I don’t usually mind. It’s just not my best day. I’m so ready to be done with work.
I will say that I’m still pretty excited about Friday. But of course when you’re excited about something it feels like it takes forever to arrive. I have no idea what it’s going to be like. I don’t actually think it’ll turn into anything but I’m definitely going to flirt hard. Why not right? =]
I looked back and read some old e-mails and wow! was I bold with the comments. I always forget how crazy sarcastic I can be when I establish that kind of pattern with someone. Like if I meet someone and we have a lot of that witty banter back and forth then I say a lot more than I normally would.
Wednesday now: [right? all my days blur together…]
It’s a little after 2pm and I haven’t had lunch today either but I’m a lot less cranky than I was yesterday. I guess sometimes it just depends on the client and whether or not they stress me out. Some people are quite overwhelming while others are super understanding and friendly.
I’m hoping to get a little break here at some point so I can grab a snack. Yesterday it got so crazy at the end that I couldn’t even attempt to finish this. I’m not sure where I was going with it anyway. I’ve got so many freaken thoughts running through my head in regards to just about everything.
I still miss TF. And I know everyone is on the hate-TF train, but I can’t get there. Despite knowing what it was and what it meant. This probably needs to be its own entry because there’s a lot of processing I’ve been doing. Thoughts on my own pride, and wanting attention, and missing his affection. I wish I could emphasize and properly convey what he meant/means to me. I’m just not able to put it into words that make sense. No one else seems to understand how big a deal this was. But anyway I’ll write this all out when I can put more thought into it.
The thing is that this makes me feel so weird about Friday. I don’t exactly know why. I mean I’m excited about it. But it feels strange to even consider messing around with someone else. You should have seen me after he came in last year. I was all hooked on that. =) I really am going to give him a hard time about our last meeting and how he owes me a drink. At the very least I could totally use a new friend, even if he only comes to town once a year. He does live near wine country! I could road trip to hang out! haha.
Ok, it’s not like I have any idea what it’s going to be like at all. The dude could be remarried with two kids and act all super serious around me now. I mean he did say he was divorced so I guess that’s not possible. But the serious thing can still happen. You never know when someone might misinterpret your sense of humor. It’s not like that hasn’t happened to me before! I’m pretty positive everything will be fine. Like we’ll sit down and work and joke and that’ll be that. By that day I’ll need a fun little experience like that to help push me through the following week. I’m sure I’ll update after everything goes down and I should probably stop trying to imagine what it’s going to be like. Blame my introverted brain! It likes to plan conversations ahead of time so it doesn’t panic in the moment.
I can’t believe I’ve made it to the halfway point of this week. This day is almost over and I am just trying to make it through each one as best I can. I need to get to the end of the day and learn to let go of that one. Like it’s in the past and I don’t need to worry about it anymore. I tend to hold on to the stuff that happened even though there’s nothing I can do to change it. There’s no way to go back, only forward.
Every day is a new day. Take a deep breath and start again.
rose.
9:39pm
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