Bad vs Good in A New Beginning to an Old Story.

I’ve been trying to make a point of writing the good things down because usually I come here to vent about the bad. Yet, things have been so so good lately and I have not written. It’s a bad habit to break. Then this weekend shit hit the fan and my first thought was “I NEED PROSEBOX!” but instead I rode it out a few days and now I am here.

My relationship has been smoothing out the past year.. we barely fight anymore, I seem to have more control over my emotions and don’t feel as insecure, he seems to have more control over his temper and has a lot more patience. We’ve kind of molded into this thing that resembles a strong, healthy and fun relationship. That only took 8 years, you guys! ;)

This weekend we had a fight over me being protective of my phone again. (We had an incident where he caught me texting a friend messages i shouldn’t have, being flirty and stupid, so its been a concern of his). I was talking to one of my good friends about his GF and giving him advice based on things I have learned with my boyfriend. So I felt it was personal which makes me automatically protective. (Personally, I hate other people reading my convos, I am natually a very secretive person especially when my friends are confiding in me). Then we were talking about working out and needing to lose weight but my BF came in and grabbed my phone as it was laying on the bed and my automatic reaction was to jump and grab it out of his hands and tell him to mind his own business. That didn’t go well.
At the time I didn’t realize how it looked and I was more upset that he still didn’t trust me. Or so I thought.
So he was upset at the FACT I reacted so protective/sketchy and I was upset over the FEELING that he didn’t trust me and I felt like he was accusing me of being shady or doing something wrong. Which I got very defensive about because I have worked my ass off to earn his trust back.

Realistically - my feelings for my bf have actually gotten so much deeper and my insecurities between us are fading fast. I feel so strong and sure about him lately so I think that mixed with feeling like he didn’t see it made me upset. But of course he doesn’t know how I feel inside, how could he. I don’t need other people anymore. I used to, that’s for sure. I had serious commitment phobia and didn’t want to give up ALL MY FRIENDS and every person who gave me shallow attention when I felt I needed it (which was a lot before). Not anymore. He fills all my holes (HA SEX JOKE RIGHT HERE), but I don’t think he realizes it yet. Hell, it’s hard for me to accept sometimes. Like holy shit, am I really adulting!? I AM DOING THIS LOVE THING CORRECTLY FOR ONCE? Shit. No way. Apparently....

So yeah, that whole thing had me in a pissed off mood for the night. However, we moved past it almost immediately and we’re back to being all… us.

Well this shall be interesting.

Also, I am kind of in love with Ed Sheeran right now. I am going to his concert in 4 months!!!!!!!! That is all.