You are crazy though in 2017

March 1, 2017
4:00pm

Another interesting day.

Certainly not as busy as yesterday, Thank God. Especially today because it’s Ash Wednesday and I’m “fasting” so all I’ve had today is a piece of toast, a small salad, a glass of water, and one cup of coffee. One cup of coffee! No body wants to deal with me when I’ve only had one cup of coffee!

Except of course I had to deal with TF for a couple hours this afternoon. Lucky him ;)

He actually came in twice. About 20 minutes before noon I’d gone outside to change our yard signs. I figured I had time to run out there before he came in. As I was recycling the last two signs I heard someone call out “what’s up girl!” and I turned around to see him sitting in his truck with the window down as he drove by. For a split second I considered going over to him, but my better judgment won and I said “hey” and that was all. He repeated “hey” in a silly sorta way and I laughed and walked away. haha.

I came inside and ended up going to the back to find more signs. I got up on the stool and since I didn’t hear him come in I ended up calling to Mom to help me with a box. Of course he came in as she got back there to help me. She didn’t stop to come back out so I mentioned someone was here and she goes, “it’s TF” and then ended up coming out to find him sitting in the waiting area. I think I said hi to him again but just kept doing what I was doing and moving around the office. I came up front at one point to drop something off and as I was walking away I caught sight of a green box on my desk. I stepped back to see that it was a bottle of patron tequila and I smiled and asked if he’d brought it in. He said no and I go, “yeah I didn’t think so. There’s no way you’d ever be that nice.” ha.

They were able to get ahold of one person right away but she had no idea what she was talking about. She put him on hold for a long time and you could tell she was just making stuff up when she came back. Like giving a standard response when we know very well that his case is different. I think her final answer was something about how it would take 9 weeks and you might have to call back after that.... Right. Ok. Thanks. That was no help at all. They also tried to talk to the original guy that was assigned the case but he didn’t answer. Mom called twice but it went to voicemail both times. He must have been on lunch. So he was here a while but it was mostly on hold with the first lady and a little bs-ing with us.

We started talking about his son’s birthday this last Saturday and apparently they’d had crab, and lobster, and ribeye steak. As he was saying all this I asked Mom if she’d been invited. It’s kind of our joke we do with people when they mention eating something great. Make them feel bad for not asking us to join. =P So she said no and I said I hadn’t either and TF said that it was all guys. “Ohh, no girls allowed!” And he said that he didn’t think they’d want to be running around out there with them. [Clearly he doesn’t know me at all! A bunch of guys shooting the sh*t, drinking, eating, and playing in the dirt? Yes, please!] He also made a comment about how he didn’t know I like to eat crab and I said I’d never tried it before. I was just messing with him.

He told us that they had a separate party on Sunday with everyone and we did our joke again about not getting invited to that one either. He goes, “It was immediate family only.” Then apparently mom heard him say, ”you could have been there too but she....” and when she questioned what he was saying he half-laughed and said nevermind. I don’t think he realizes that she knows he ‘proposed’ to me. Or that pretty much everyone knows he did. haha. And at the same time I thought I’d heard him say something about not yet.. but that could have been a different moment.

As mom was on the phone a little later he asked me what I was doing on Sunday. I said that I was catching up on chores and then said that I didn’t actually know, I’d probably sleep in. He acknowledged what I was saying but didn’t say anything else so I asked what he was going to do. He said he was thinking of going to [Beach town] to get some fresh crab and I could go with him if I wanted. Smart guy, taking the fact that I said I’d never tried it and turning it into an invite. I said I’d let him know [there’s no way I can make decisions that quickly and that far in advance. ha] and later made a joke about waiting to see if I got a better offer. [Seriously, yes, this is how we joke around with each other.] He acted all hurt and I asked if I’d hurt his feelings. He said that he only had one feeling and it had already been hurt that morning the minute he got to the oil fields. So at least it wasn’t me. ;)

I definitely want to say yes but I am so super hesitant about it. Like I can’t tell if he’s actually taking what I said seriously, and willing to change, or if he just wants to see how far he can push it. I mean I’ve seen him a couple times since my speech and he hasn’t tried to touch me at all. I appreciate that. That he’s not trying to ‘force’ himself at me after I kept pulling away the other day. It probably helps that I also tried to keep my distance and kept crossing my arms while he was up front. Not that he didn’t have the opportunity to try something if he wanted though. Also, he mostly kept the staring down to a minimum. Definitely hasn’t made any comment about my ass, or anything inappropriate. He did say something about “kissing his friend” later in an email exchange but it wasn’t a big deal.

Sometime during the second round of phone calls he got up to get a candy from the dish on my desk. I don’t remember exactly what I said, I’m sure I was just giving him a hard time about something, but he goes, “You’re crazy Rose.” He was walking towards the trash can and while he was turned away I hear him say “I like you…but you’re crazy.” hah. That’s probably the first time he’s admitted to liking me out loud, so hey! Progress, right?

I want to hang out with him in person. I want to be able to sit across from him and have a good time. I want to flirt with him and blur the friend lines. But I also want to know how seriously he’s taking this. And I don’t know when I’ll get another chance. Look how long it’s taken to get this one! I don’t actually have any plans for this Sunday. I did most of my chores last week. We’re celebrating my cousin’s birthday Saturday after work. I shouldn’t be too hungover. ;) I could use a fun break. I could use the time near the water. I don’t know about eating crab but I can be adventurous! I’m not sure I have any real reason to say no to this.

It’s about 10 o’clock now and I’m slowly working my way through this. Adding details as I remember. And I’ve sent him a couple emails he hasn’t responded to. So I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes. I’m going to bed now and will continue this tomorrow.

Thursday:

I’d sorta been waiting all day for a response from him. Obviously. I can’t help myself! Then just before 4pm the phone rang and I turned around to see his number pop up on the id. I answered and he responded in Spanish [I realized the other day that I kept speaking to Mom in Spanish while he was there. I didn’t mean to. That’s just how we communicate]. I asked how it was going and he asked what I was doing. I made a joke; “oh nothing. just sitting around. hanging out.” And I don’t remember exactly what he said but he ended up asking me to tell him exactly what I was doing. Like he didn’t appreciate my sarcasm. hah.

I told him that I was researching bankruptcy fees [fun times!] and he asked me to repeat myself a couple times. I don’t know what he thought I was saying. [Now looking back on this I’m wondering if he thought I said something about rings? Because if you say it out loud it sorta sounds that way! ha! That would be funny!] But we found our way onto the same page eventually. After all that he told me that he was calling to say he’d received some deposit we were waiting on. I asked him for details but he didn’t seem to know, just said that he’d gotten it. Then he goes, “so I have money now, just in case you decide you want to go out for crab on Sunday, or not, no big deal, either way is fine....” haha. He was totally rambling.
I said that I didn’t know, especially since he hadn’t responded to any of my emails. He asked if I’d sent another one. And I said that I’d sent two that he never answered. Apparently he had not seen them. Or so he said. He kept going back and forth about when I’d sent it. And then got confused when I said “you didn’t answer” and thought I’d called him. hah. Silly guy. I said that one was in the afternoon and then another at night and he should check them. We were talking about him probably being asleep. Mom heard what I was saying and called him an old man so I started giggling as he was talking.

He did say that he goes to bed early because he has to get up f-ing early in the morning. And bleeped his own answer. Usually he just curses. That was interesting. [When he was here he’d said something to mom about cursing and she said she didn’t and he goes “no, I know you wouldn’t because you’re a lady and ladies don’t curse.” Then he looked over at me and goes “you hear that Rose! Ladies don’t curse!” Putting a lot of emphasis on it and repeating it several times. Clearly trying to make a point. He’s lucky I didn’t bring up why I cursed at him!]He said he was going to go check and I told him he’d better write it down or he’d forget. Then he said that wasn’t possible because it was already an “action item” and he was going to get right on it. [What’s with the action item stuff? lol]

We hung up and within a few minutes an e-mail popped up with a response. Except it’s been pretty slow going since then. I keep trying to find an opportunity to say I’d like to go on Sunday but he doesn’t respond and the window’s closing.

I will admit that I’m a little freaked out about being on my own with him again. I don’t know what will happen between us. I want to talk and settle things. But I also want to hold his hand and flirt with him. So I don’t know. We’ll see.

It’s Saturday now. Obviously I’m no good at finishing these drafts. I kept popping in here to add details but I might as well post this and move on. There might be more details tomorrow. Who knows.

He didn’t respond to an email Thursday night and yesterday evening I sent another without a response so I thought that was weird. I was giving him a hard time about finding me on fb, but I didn’t think it was a big deal.
sidenote: In a super weird coincidence I logged into fb Wednesday night and the very first person on the “people you may know” list was him. Right there at the top all in my face. He’s never been on that list before. I’m assuming it was because we didn’t have any friends in common. Looks like he just recently added a guy I went to high school with so that’s probably why it was there. Just really weird that it came up that particular day!

Anyway, today I sent him a text saying that I was going to ask if his offer still stands for tomorrow but seeing all my lonely unanswered emails makes me think no....
Then finally, about 45 minutes later, I heard back from him saying that the offer still stands. He’s out in the mountains hunting so he hasn’t gotten any emails.
Now clearly that was a terrible excuse because I know he hasn’t been in the mountains for two days, but at least I heard back from him. I also later noticed that about a minute after the text he went on and responded to my last email. I responded to the email around 3 but figured he won’t be out of the mountains for a while. I’ll probably text him later and see what we can set up.

Then I’ll come in here and gossip about everything that happens between us. I’m nervous as all get out to spend time with him, but I really want to figure out what the hell we’re doing here. I cannot do the back and forth, up and down, anymore. Either we’re on the same page or we’re not. And if we’re not then we both need to let go and move on so we can find what we’re really looking for.

We’ll see. Right now my brain is like running a million miles a minute. What do I wear? do you have to crack open your own crab? oh gosh what if I do it wrong and make a mess? are we going to be totally alone somewhere? should I kiss him? how do I bring up all these important things I want to say, etc., etc., Ahhhhh!!!!!!!

Ok. For now I’m going to post this, start shutting down the office, and get ready to go. I’ll go to church tonight and then over to my cousin’s birthday dinner. I’ll drink beer and eat lots of food and be happy. And we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

rose.
4:27pm

Last updated March 07, 2017