energy shift in 2017

11:19am

Ok. Yeah. I have this super nervous energy running through my system right now. Add that to the fact that I’m having a really good day, and I’ve had almost all my coffee already, and I’m in a really playful sorta mood. Not really conducive to work. Mostly because I can’t sit still. I’m only in here right now because I feel like if I put the words on paper they might leave my body. At least in some small capacity.

Also, yeah, TF’s coming in today and should be here in less than an hour as long as he doesn’t forget and/or get busy at work. Knowing he’s coming is definitely different than him just popping up. Now I have time to prepare, but also time to get nervous about it. I couldn’t even decide what to wear this morning. I mean, I picked the outfit out last night but then this morning I feel all awkward and weird in it. Mostly because my green shirt doesn’t seem to want to cooperate with my black sweater. I have the bottom half buttoned up because they’re different lengths, but I feel weird. I think I’m better in a t-shirt and jeans. Not tight sweaters. hah.

2:24pm

Well, that was interesting!

Now I have a whole different kind of energy running through me. ha! ;)

TF came in and spent the next hour and half or so hanging out with us. Mostly bs-ing. And giving me a really hard time. He talks so much smack and is constantly trying to argue with me. In like a really friendly/joking sorta way but still! At some point Mom asked him why he’s always picking on me and he went on to explain that it’s like the little kids on the playground. When the little boy likes the girl he goes over and pushes her down. Apparently that’s us! He’s picking on me because he likes me. Except he won’t straight up admit to me that he likes me.

I was sitting at the hidden desk when I heard the door open and peeked around the corner to see it was him. I got up to greet him but it was kinda awkward to go in for the hug like I thought I would, so I just walked behind the front desk. We talked a little and then Mom came out to finish up his paperwork. After they’d sat down at the desk I walked over to hand her something and as I was walking back up front he said, “dang Rose. Have you ever heard of dressing professionally?” Which is funny because I’d just been in here complaining about my outfit. ha. But this is probably one of my more professional outfits. Nice flats, black slacks, green shirt with a gold accent, and a black cardigan type sweater. I was like damn why are you so mean to me. And he asked if I’d ever heard of a dress. I said yeah, and that I wear them, and later he made a joke [after mom mentioned I’d worn a couple dresses last week, which was a lie but made a point] about how it probably goes down to my ankles and has full sleeves. Jerk.

If he couldn’t stop staring at me in this outfit imagine what he’d do if I wore a dress! [He was watching me as I stood by the printer and I said, “you’re not saying anything.” And he said, “I’m just taking in all the attire.” Or something to that effect. Which was basically saying he was checking me out.] Also, he should stop by on Valentine’s Day. I’ve got big plans. =] Mom actually mentioned Valentine’s a lot. Like how that one guy proposed to her and brought her a giant box of chocolates. He was like, “is that all it takes? You might have a guy walking through the door with a box of chocolate soon.” haha. This kid probably doesn’t even know when Valentine’s day is. I’ll be surprised if he even says hi that day!

There was a lot of back and forth joking around. He’d throw out those subtle digs and I’d tell him how mean he was. I don’t really take people’s bs [if that isn’t obvious already] and I’m quite sarcastic. I like to think that makes for pretty great replies. But at some point he said that he didn’t understand my humor at all. That it didn’t make sense to him. hah. That’s probably because he’s not used to a girl talking back, or not falling all over that charm he’s got going on. I’m a little smarter than that.

The funny/crazy thing is that he’s really not my type at all. I know, right?! All this talking I’ve been doing about him and he doesn’t fit into the typical mold I tend to go for. I’ve never really thought of myself as having a type but then at some point I realized I gravitate towards the tall, skinny, cowboy types with their hair shaved short. He doesn’t fit that. He’s only a couple of inches taller than me [maybe? it doesn’t feel like much at all!] and he’s stocky. Like he works out and eats salad. He does have the short hair thing going but he’s always wearing a baseball cap. I really don’t know what it is about him. I don’t know how or why I ended up in this place.

So near the end someone called for Mom and he came up front to talk to me when she took the call. She stayed at the desk since she was writing stuff out and then the same person called back again.
He’d grabbed my hand when he first walked over but I pulled away pretty quickly. It’s just sorta awkward. I don’t know why! I’m not sure I’m meant to stand around holding someone’s hand without doing something else at the same time. I can’t stand still like that! Within a few minutes he put his hand back out to shake mine and then held on to it for a while. I tried not to pull back so fast that time. Gotta give a little, right? He started pulling me towards him [as if this two feet of desk wasn’t between us!] and telling me to go with him. I asked where we were going to go and he said to go have a quick make-out session and then immediately laughed and said he was kidding. I think I just rolled my eyes at that point.

When he’d first walked over he started whispering something about “why haven’t you let me”. He had to repeat it a couple times because I couldn’t hear what he was saying and then I said, “let you what?” He was staring down at my hand so I was confused. But then he clarified that he was talking about kissing me. I ended up saying that maybe if he wasn’t so mean to me I would have let him. Or if he weren’t such a jerk I might change my mind. I did notice that he was very subtly looking down from my eyes every few seconds. Not sure if he was trying to kiss me right then and there or what! But that ain’t happening at work. He’s lucky I let him hold my hand! [Not that I have many options. He always goes for the hand shake and then refuses to let go.]

As he was getting ready to go he put his hand up and I asked if we were going to high five. He said, “yeah....or we could hug.” I was like “ok” and motioned for him to come around the desk. I ended up walking over to him though. He reached over and squeezed me into a really tight embrace. He does this thing where he presses his face in towards my neck. Almost like he’s going to go in to kiss me on the cheek but doesn’t. I don’t know. It was nice. =) He smelled really good. hah. Is there a way to bottle up that feeling? Because I’d kinda like to stand like that every day. At least once, or twice, or ten times maybe. ;)

Anyway, as he stood up front with me he asked when we were going to hang out. That he wanted to get together and maybe have a couple drinks and spend some time together. I said ok, sure. He asked when I’d be free and I told him after April. He made a face and I said that I was free all those months. Like I was just sitting around waiting for him to ask and he never did. [Earlier, when I’d given him a hard time about not calling me back the other day at work, he said that the girl should call every once in a while and ask the guy out. You should have heard the way Mom burst into laughter. haha!]

In reality, I know that it was better that we never went out again at the end of last year. I wasn’t in a good place and I know everything works out for a reason. But I still gave him a hard time about it because seriously it’s been months and he hasn’t even tried to spend time with me. I don’t let things go that easily dude.

He ended up saying that he would be free any day he didn’t have his son, but we didn’t commit to a time or place. He said something about how I should call him and then quickly said, “no, I’ll call you.” But we all know how he is about remembering phone calls!

I’ve been working on this for freaken ever. I think I’m going to end here and update with all the rest in another entry later. This needs to be posted and I’ll come up with anything else I missed in the next one.

Night.

rose.
9:39pm

Last updated February 10, 2017