Memories in All other relationships

  • Jan. 27, 2014, 3:39 p.m.
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  • Public

It just occurred to me tonight that my past is very similar to a night time sky. The sky is dark... that represents what is in the past. Each star shines bright just like each memory that is attached to the past. The light of day fades away into darkness. The present fades to past.
Each person that I was once friends with fades into the past. Each memory I shared with them shines bright through the night sky.
Sadly, George is becoming nothing more than a memory to me. There have been a few zingers in my life that were really hard to let go of. It hurt every time. Most of them were by the other persons choosing. One of the biggest zingers were when I stopped being friends with Beth (for a while). When I stopped being friends with her, I knew it meant that I would loose the friendship with that whole group of people and that was really hard. That left me with pretty much no friends at all to hang out with anymore. The reality was though that I loved Beth too much to continue being friends with her when we simply couldn't get along anymore. I loved her more than I loved having such a large group of friends. I gave up the group of people who (in the end) turned out to not really be my friends at all, to give respect to a friendship that I cherished. As a result, Beth and I did end up being friends again, years later.
There were other people over the years that faded away. Beth was a big one but George... that is really hard for me. It's hard because I know that we both love each other. It's hard because I am in love with him as much as I'm not. I know that makes no sense really. I guess it's just because I fell in love with him quite a while ago but I am in the process of falling out of love with him now. Even with everything that has happened, I still love him.
I am learning a lot about myself. I am on a far more advanced stage of this journey than he is right now. I don't think badly of him for that at all. I was at that stage too. It's a painful stage he's going through. Even as evolved as I am, I still have so much further to go. Who knows, maybe he will even surpass me at some point. Maybe he won't. Either way, the night sky has fallen on our friendship. His light isn't shining yet because the night isn't quite over yet but it has arrived none the less. With that, I am sad to see it happen. I am not going to dwell on that though. I have to let go just as I have done before. I am choosing to look forward into my future. My future is looking bright. I am looking forward to the new and improved me. Watch out world!

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