it could be worth the risk in 2017

Feb. 2, 2017
6:11pm

Fingers crossed, I might get out at a decent hour tonight. I mean, we’re already passed our closing time [6pm] but it shouldn’t be long now. Although, I probably just jinxed it by typing this out....

Today was a good day! It’s been a good year actually! Like a really good one! =]

Feb. 3, 2017
10:58am

I got way too busy yesterday. Well not that busy but we were having a lot of fun with our last client and I was standing around joking with them. She actually called this morning saying that she wanted to bring us something because we’re so nice and sweet. And she’ll probably stop by on Sunday to bring us food, or something. =)

Also another client brought us two bottles of wine in the morning so we went straight home and pulled that cork out and then I was so super relaxed that I didn’t feel like typing anymore. I put the computer away and laid on the couch and tried to go to bed early, but didn’t quite make it.

I did have a quick text exchange with TF during this time. I sent him a message after I got out of work telling him I’d gotten out early and a client dropped off 2 bottles of wine so I wasn’t sad anymore. haha. Then he responded that I should go over and clean his house. =| I asked why, did he have company coming over. ;) And said that I was still working more hours than he was so he should have made me dinner. He said, “how about I just take you to dinner??” And I said sure that I would be free again after April. He sent some kind of picture that my phone’s too old to see. So I told him that I couldn’t see it but that I was going to assume it was a date. He said, “It wasn’t, but maybe you need to get a new phone sweetie..” I don’t know why it comes off as condescending when he calls me sweetie. Maybe because I’ve never heard him say it in person.

Anyway, I ended up responding “ouch” and he replied asking if he could give me a hug today. That was interesting. The way he asked. I mean, we hug people all the time in the office, but we’ve never really been on “friendly” terms with him so I guess he hasn’t seen that side. Of course after he said it I then spent the rest of the night trying to figure out how I could hug him without making it awkward. It’s kind of weird if I have to walk all the way around the desk to hug somebody hello so I was trying to think of ways to make sure I was on the outside of the desk when he came by. I know! But these are the things that keep me up at night. lol.
I ended up saying, “not after you just rejected me!” He said he didn’t reject me. And I said that I must have misinterpreted the “it wasn’t a date” thing. He said it was a smiling face. hah. I think he missed the joke I was making? This is why texting sucks! I thought about trying to explain it to him, but figured it was just going to get more complicated so I let it go.

To backtrack a bit: he’d called yesterday to set up an appointment. I’d heard my cell phone ringing in my bag and glanced at it to see he was calling. He knows I’m at work every day so I wasn’t sure what was going on. A few minutes later he called the office and said that since I don’t answer my personal number this was the only line he could reach me on. I reminded him that I was working and lied a little when I said I didn’t hear it ring. He made a joke about having him on silent. Then he said that he wanted to make a formal appointment to come in and do his paperwork and if we had any space for today. I asked if he needed something after work and he said that it would be better around noon because he might be busy after work [mom later mentioned that he might have said that to try to make me jealous/curious. ha. missed it.] So I squeezed him in at 12:30pm and figured if we didn’t finish he could come back to sign.

He ended up saying that that worked and that he’d come by, drop off his papers, we’d hold hands and walk outside together, and then we’d hug. haha! He had it all planned out I guess. Then he said that he’d talk to his “future mother-in-law” and tell her he’d be over for dinner on Saturday and Sunday. I said that was fine if he was going to cook because we’d be busy working. He was making jokes about stove top stuffing and chicken pot pie. I asked if that’s what he cooks and he said that no, he likes to cook steak, ribs, chicken, etc. The funny thing is that he was saying this and I was thinking to myself about how I don’t even really eat that much meat. Another item to add to the incompatibility list. haha. Don’t tell him though!

So we set everything up and that was that. Of course I had to start planning out my outfit right away. hah. I contemplated a dress but figured it would be too obvious. I actually ended up wearing the same shirt that I wore on our “date” because it’s super comfortable and I’m pretty confident in it. There were some other fun people coming in today so I wanted to look nice.

One guy this morning already said that if I was still single next year he was definitely going to ask me out. haha! He’s like way older than I am so there are always jokes about how Mom’s too old and I’m too young. I’m still going to add that one to my detail list for TF though. =)

Speaking of which, he called while that guy was here to cancel the appointment. I was laughing when I picked up so I was trying to remember to say the right words. He started whispering who knows what and I told him not to be creepy. He kept whispering though. I know he was saying my name but I could not hear what else he was saying. Eventually he laughed and said he had a dilemma, he’d gotten swamped at work and wouldn’t be able to make the appointment. The guy in the office was so loud that I didn’t hear all of what he said but I think he said he was still going to come in today to drop stuff off and then we could call when it was ready and he’d come back to sign.

He also asked if I’d thought any more about his proposal and I asked, “which proposal was that?” He goes, “I’ve really only asked one.” haha. I said that I was still thinking about it and he said that that was ok. And to not let stress influence my decision. Since I’d been saying I was going to marry him because I wanted to quit work. hah. I said in that case we’d wait until after April and then I’d be able to make a better decision about it without other influences. You know, after work when I’m having fun again. He said something about taking a road trip and we laughed a bunch and then we hung up.

Bummer that he cancelled. It all works out the way it’s supposed to though. I’d squeezed him into a spot and wasn’t really going to have a lot of time to mess around and tease him so now I can set something up when we have more time. Also we were able to take a walk-in in the spot he left open, which worked out well for us. I’m just bummed I wasted an outfit. haha! I mean he might still stop by, you never know. Depends on how busy he is, I guess.
All the other guys that were coming in today ended up cancelling/moving appointments as well, which is kinda funny. Something to look forward to perhaps?

Things are going well between us right now. Even last night when that whole “rejected” thing came up I half expected him to shut down and not say anything else, but he actually replied. I was surprised! I’m almost hopeful that maybe things have changed between us.

Only time will tell, I guess, but I really would like to start over with this new mindset. Now that I’ve pulled myself out of that weird funk I fell into at the end of last year and can clearly see this for what it is. Like I have a whole new view of the situation. I think that almost, just maybe, I’m not so scared of it anymore. I might actually be able to let myself feel whatever it is I want to feel this time around and not panic. I’ve already been hurt by it, how much worse can it get? hah. Kidding world! Please don’t try to prove anything to me!!!
I just think that maybe it could be worth the risk? I might kick myself later for saying that, but that’s where I’m at at this very moment. Check back with me tomorrow, or next week. ha.

If we do start over I think we need to make a few changes. Honestly, I’d like to get away from the text thing. It drives me crazy that so many things are so easily misinterpreted. Like, I totally enjoy talking to him all the time, and I love checking in, but not for the constant contact. Maybe we could do more phone calls, or just talk when we get together in person to hang out. That way we could hang out more and have more stuff to say to each other. I really do want to spend more time getting to know him in person.

I don’t know. I’m totally jumping the gun here. By tonight we could be back to giving each other the silent treatment and never seeing each other again. hah. We’ll see. They’re just thoughts I had floating around in my head. We all know how I love to pour them out in here.

It’s almost the end of the day. I just realized I’ve been working on this like the entire day. hah. People tend to come in spurts. All at once and then there’s a lull. I also realized a few minutes ago that I never ate lunch. My aunt brought us food today but it was around 11am and I wasn’t hungry yet. Then I guess I forgot. Or got too busy. Now I might as well wait until we get out and enjoy my dinner without being rushed. Also I’ll probably give TF a hard time because I haven’t seen him yet. I’m guessing if he’s busy at work he won’t make it before we close. Who knows.

I hope tomorrow’s going to go well. It’ll be busy so walk-ins could be a problem. I’m still trying to quit. Yesterday I was having a grand ol’ time, and looking forward to today, and was willing to stay. Right now I’m ready to quit again. Ah well.

rose.
5:24pm

Last updated February 04, 2017