proposals in 2017

11:18am

Ack.

Life is going to crush me today. Seriously.

The phone’s been crazy this morning, as I sorta assumed it would be. I always forget how much it drives me insane until it’s ringing every ten minutes and I’m trying to figure out the easiest way to jump over the desk and run out the door. Ah well though.

That’s not exactly what I came in here to write. I mean, all that’s going on too but that’s typical work stuff at this time of year. I can’t really complain about it too much. Just a quick vent to remind the world it drives me nuts. hah.

I did receive one phone call in particular just before 11am though. Guess who?
Yup, none other than T-freaken-F. Always when I least expect it. Always when I say things about being done. Always after I break down and try to convince myself to start over. I mean I did some serious crying last night. Like I finished the entry and started scrolling through my phone to see how long we’d gone without talking. I’d also, maybe, had a little too much vodka last night and that tends to feed into my crying sessions. heh. But still. I was so upset about the whole thing. Just all those stupid words in those messages. And I ended up sorta angry at him for it all. [Yes, I know! I said I wasn’t going to be mad but I couldn’t help it in that moment!] Why do I have to blow it off and act like it’s not a big deal when I was really hurt by it?!

So yeah, all that happened and then I came to work this morning and was running around like a chicken without its head and the phone rang for the hundredth time [slight exaggeration..]. I turned around in my chair and saw the number. The second number with that area code today, but this one clicked in my mind. I answered in my usual way and I hear that deep voice of his saying something like, “Hi Rose…will you marry me?” !!!???!!!!?! Seriously? That’s what you’re going to say to me after everything? Really? I mean come on dude! =|

Of course I said no! [Mom later joked that I should have said yes and honestly if I wasn’t so busy, and trying to whisper because we had clients, I might have messed with him for a while] After I laughed and said no I asked what he wanted. He goes, “No, really Rose. Are you going to marry me?” And I said no again and tried to get him to just move off the subject. A big part of it being that there were people sitting a mere four feet away from me and they could totally hear everything I was saying. I wasn’t trying to get into that conversation with everyone listening!

So he finally moved off the subject, and totally changed his voice too. You could hear the difference when he went from his “trying to be serious” voice to just messing around. I continued to try to get him to talk work but he refused to follow my lead. He asked me how things were going and I said that I was busy working. He started talking about our work schedule and how it was probably crazy right now. And said stuff about how we got to do fun things all the time though. I’d mentioned that to him when we first started the season and he said he hoped my mom wasn’t working too hard. When he said it though I thought he meant during work and he said that no he meant after the season I go out and do all kinds of fun things. Which yeah, of course I do. That’s why I’m working so hard right now.

At some point he said something about how I’d messed everything up. How I could have had him and I could have been Mrs. TF by now. Whatever dude. I said that he was the one that messed it all up. He was rambling about how I’d done him wrong and I was stringing him along, and we could have been engaged. I was about to say how he’d strung me along [I mean those are the exact words I’ve used in describing us in here several times] but then he added the “engaged” part and I let it go. I just kept saying that none of it was true, that it was his fault, and kept trying to get him to either make an appointment or hang up.

He’d also said something about how I haven’t called to talk to him and tell him about all the guys that are trying to take me out to dinner. I asked if he really wanted to know about all of them and he said yeah so I said that I could give him all the details he wanted. Then all of a sudden he said that it wasn’t the right place to be talking about that and I should call him later. I said that I couldn’t because I was busy working and he said that he’d call me and asked what time I got off work. When I said 8 o’clock he gasped in horror. haha. He also mentioned that if his brother brought me lunch I had to tell him which one it was and I said that I couldn’t do that. He guessed right but I didn’t confirm. I don’t know if they talk to each other or what. It’s kind of a weird coincidence that his sister was just here last night and then he calls me today. All randomly.

Anyway, I said that I would give him all the details later on all the guys that ask me out. I have actually already been asked out to the movies, but by the same guy who asks me every year even though I always tell him no. I think it’s just our joke now.
[sidenote: Honestly I feel kinda bad for the guy because he moved out of town and still drives back every year to come in. He really should stop holding out hope, if that’s what he’s doing. I’ve always been super straightforward with him about not being interested but every year he insists on bringing it up. He has a girlfriend but he said it isn’t working out and that he wants to get married and have babies. haha. You’re not making this sound any better dude. Also, I find it hard to have very much respect for people who stay in relationships just because they don’t want to be alone, or whatever. If it’s not working you should probably move on, whether or not you have anyone to move on to. I get that it’s scary, but I’d personally rather be alone than miserable.]

The other phone line started to ring and I’d tried to hang up to answer but Mom picked it up. I heard her say something about passing it to the front desk to make an appointment so I told TF that I had to go. As it was ringing I asked if he’d gotten his paperwork so that I could make the appointment before I hung up. He said that he was able to get it off the internet and I said that was so fancy. [We talked about this “fancy” thing that day we went out. I kept saying how fancy he was (ordering martinis and w/e) and he said he was going to put it on his headstone (are we morbid for talking about our own deaths and what to put on our headstones? lol). He’d called me fancy too and I said that I wanted the same thing written on my stone. We argued about my being able to put the same thing and he eventually gave up and said I could have the words and he’d do something else. That’s pretty much how our whole afternoon was - arguing over stupid stuff. hah]

Before I hung up I asked if he wanted to make the appointment and he said no that he was just calling to talk to me, and marry me, and he’d deal with all that other stuff later. Ok. Really? You’re just wasting my time kid! I think I just laughed, and only half paid attention to whatever he said, and hung up.

I immediately picked up the other line and made an appointment for another client and floated through the next few minutes in a daze. Like did that really just happen to me? So weird. He’s so random!

I’m not falling for that bs this time. We’re doing things my way or not at all. I mean, I’m clearly still interested or I wouldn’t continue to talk about it all the time. But I definitely don’t want to fall back into that headspace I was in at the end of last year. That was bad. Not my style at all. So I’d rather do things my way and see where it goes from there. I like playing this game on my terms.

I was talking about it with mom [Yes, I do tell her pretty much everything. Or I give her snippets, at least] and I was saying how crazy it would be if I was one of those girls who believes the s*it guys say. Imagine? If I took him serious. Or if I really started to believe that he wanted to marry me. Like I’d be sitting here planning out our wedding and our life together! I’d be all over that. But Thank God I’m not one of those girls. I know better!

Still though, who says that kinda s*it to a girl?? Especially after everything we’ve been through. Whatever. I am so not getting wrapped up in it again. At least not right now. And definitely not in the same way that I did before.

We’ll see what happens if he calls again, or when he comes in. I’ll probably mess with him if he ever says anything else about it. If he gets to do it then why can’t I, right?

I’ll admit that it was kinda nice talking to him on the phone again.

Man I am such a sucker…

rose.
4:31pm