easy and wrong in 2017

8:42pm

I wish I could enjoy the fact that it’s Thursday, and therefore very close to the end of the week, but tomorrow’s going to be our busiest day and it’ll probably go downhill from there. As in, I’ll be so busy I’ll forget my own name. But this is what I signed up for right?

Today was pretty slow. But TF’s sister ended up coming in. She wanted to drop some paperwork off and at some point she asked if I needed her ID. I said that I knew who she was. I mean I’d already pulled the file and had it in my hand. haha. So I double checked with her and then she said something about my having a good memory. I told her that I tried to remember all of our clients and she mentioned that she’d only been here once. Last year was her first year. But I pointed out that she’d sat around talking to us for a little while and she goes, “a long while!” Which yeah, I was trying to be nice about it. haha. I said that that was probably why I remembered her.

She ended up leaving the papers and we worked it out so she could come after work to finish up since she was on her lunch break and didn’t want to rush. My mom had walked by right before she left and she told her all about how she’d had her card sitting on her counter all year and she’d always see it. And how her and her bf would talk about it. blah blah. It was really sorta sweet the way she talked about it.

So since she came back later in the afternoon and it was quiet she ended up sitting around with us again and talking for about an hour. It’s crazy how easily she opens up to us. That whole family does. Well, except TF which is kinda funny since he’s the one that I’d want to open up the most.

Anyway, she ended up spilling her guts about everything that’s been happening. She’s dating one of our other clients so she started to say something about being engaged and mom made a comment about it. She was completely thrown off by it! Not realizing how much we know about them. So she super hesitated and then I finally heard her say, “I think you might know more than I think.” haha. Duh girl! We know everything! :)

She then went on to tell us any and everything about the situation. They’ve definitely moved quite fast and she was opening up about all kinds of feelings. I don’t know if she just does that with everyone she meets, or if it’s something about us, but she was sharing details! And it’s crazy because she’s a lot like me in the way she thinks. Like before him she wasn’t looking for anyone, but was open to the possibility. She just has a lot of the same ideas about love and life. Maybe it’s because we’re the same age, from the same generation, or something.

There were a lot of moments though, like the ones where she was talking about what a roller coaster their relationship had been last year, where all I could think about is how I felt the exact same way about her brother. She has no idea though! At some point she’d mentioned that she thought I knew her sister and I said that I didn’t think so but that I knew her brothers. I didn’t specify which ones. It’s all I could think about though. The fact that I’d been on a “date” with her brother and she has no idea that I even know him. That he’s said all those words to me. That he’s made me feel like we’re on our own roller coaster. Nothing. She doesn’t, and won’t, know anything about it.

I kinda wish we were friends on the outside. She’s so easy to talk to, and we see the world in such similar ways, and I think we could really get along.

We had plans to go out to eat after work and they were waiting for us so Mom started to put things away. I think she would have easily hung out for another hour if she hadn’t started shutting down. hah. Even as we were moving around and moving towards the door she’d stopped and started talking again. haha. Honestly, if we didn’t have anywhere else to be we probably would have sat around chatting longer. I told her she could come back in March, when things slow down a bit, and we’d spend her lunch break talking.

I don’t think she’ll come back though. We probably won’t see her again until next year. That’s ok though. There was a moment at the end there where she’d said something about putting us on the list to attend her wedding. We were joking about how our clients say stuff like that to us all the time but never follow through. I almost brought up how her brother always promises us lunch but never shows up. [Also maybe one of my first thoughts was about what it would be like to run into TF at her wedding in one of those surprise shocking moments....but whatever]. I never could bring anything up about any of her brothers. It’ll come out in time, if it’s supposed to. Mom made a joke about it after we’d left, like how I was seeing her brother, but it’s not even like that.

He hasn’t spoken to me in two weeks. Two freaken weeks. I think that’s the longest we’ve gone since some time near the beginning. I don’t think we’ve gone more than a week since we went out to dinner. And it doesn’t feel so bad right now because all my days blur together and time is passing so quickly, but I guess this means we’re done. Right? Like maybe he’s moved on. [I was watching this stupid show tonight where the guy says, “you’re going to do you and I’m going to do me, ok?” and I totally broke down silently.]

I don’t want to act like everything’s ok anymore. I want to be hurt. I want him to know that I’m hurt. People can’t just treat other people that way and think it’s ok. Like I think that’s the hardest part for me. Wrapping my mind around the fact that there might actually be people out there who act like this and don’t care about the consequences. I can’t accept that. It doesn’t make sense in my world.

I guess I don’t really have any other options though. It is what it is, right?

rose.
10:46pm

Last updated January 27, 2017