Worries in The ugly truth about making babies

There are many things that are worrying me right now. Joey and I decided to go ahead and ask to be referred for an appointment with a fertility specialist. Ultimately, my brother is no closer to making a decision about the summer and what he wants us all to do for his birthday, so we’ve had to make a decision taking that out of the equation.

He asked at his doctors a couple of weeks ago about what the process would be given that he has a diagnosed low sperm count. He has to provide an up to date semen sample as it’s about 3 or 4 years since he was last tested, and if the results come back the same as they previously were then we get referred to our local women’s hospital for a meeting with the consultant and a discussion about what we would be offered and how we move forward.

I spoke with my mum about it all yesterday. Joey had asked me not to say anything until we had decided what we were going to do. He’s still weird that I’ve told her now but to be honest I’ve felt uncomfortable about her not knowing for this long. Realistically, the only reason be doesn’t want anyone to know is because he’s embarrassed, and I’m sure it’s a dent to his male pride. Part of me wonders if his ex wife or someone in her family have said something to him last time to make him so super defensive about it all. It would make sense, this was a huge part of why they broke up, I can only imagine in the heat of the moment things that might have been said.

I think my mum was a bit shocked. She took it well really though. Obviously she had a lot of questions, the primary one being about the chances of things happening naturally. I’m sure it then came as a surprise to her that I had had my implant removed 9 months ago. She understood that we’d wanted to minimise the stress and pressure until we’d made some decisions between ourselves. I won’t see her now til Thursday or Friday, so I’m sure she’ll have more to say then. I’m just glad she knows to be honest. We’re so close, it’s been really difficult to keep this from her even though we had absolutely no malicious intent.

So yeh, it’s all a bit up in the air while we’re waiting for Joey to bring his sperm this week, and waiting for the results. We could have up to an 18 week wait also once we’ve been referred to a consultant so it could be months before we even get to discuss our options.

Of course, being the control freak I am, I’m struggling to cope with all the things I have no control over. I don’t know what we’re going to get offered, I do know that being in the north west is advantageous as in this area couples are offered three attempts, compared to one or two in other areas of the country. We don’t know if it will work, whether I’ll get pregnant at all even after it all. I’m stressed about the hormones and how they’ll affect my behaviour and mood and whether Joey will cope with it. Just a million and one things that I know are completely jumping the gun but are things that are keeping me awake at night regardless.

It’s very exciting that we’ve made the decision to get the ball rolling, it’s also very very scary.

Xx