so on sat./the weekend in 2017. got it.

cause i feel like blogging at 9:10 in the morning. So Sat.was not my finest moment. room checks. well we didn’t do them cause i didn’t want to [well i never really want to. it’s like when someone goes ‘do you want to take out the trash?’ uh no not really. that doesn’t sound like a fun activity or a preferred oe for that matter. which reminds me.........] and also. it would’ve interrpted my schedule. cause i wasn’t planning to do them for 2 more wks. and then we’d get back to doing them. and my depression’s gotten bad again [well ok it’s gotten worse]. and so i think that was my excuse. no and like depression is an actual thing. but it’s like ‘no i don’t feel good so’.
yeah so she knocks on my door and is all ‘are you ok’ and the asks again. yeah i was fine.except the thing was i wasn’t. no i mean i was fine cause i wasn’t self destructing and i wasn’t obliterated as hell that fine that.kindof fine. I read recently that um. whenever people ask if we’re ok it just reminds us that we’re less.so and then we become less so. if I were actually ok I would’ve done room checks. i would’ve kept up appearances. but i didn’t and a part of me feels bad about it. but ya know what.that wasn’t the most important thing sorry. it was too much pressure to keep up appearances at the time. and so again.i didn’t.
So after that she’s like ‘hello?’ like the way people do when they try and get your attention. and i hate when people do that. like and that’s why i don’t. my mom does it a lot. so then.the lady apparently proceeds to turn off the light and i.don’t like the dark. [btw my light’s off during the day untill i want them knowing i’m up]. also w/ the light off at night it feels like it’s 5 in the morning.so it screws w/ my circadian rhythm. like ‘shit well now it’s 5 a.m. and i don’t have that much time before valerie comes’.
so then.a few hrs. later I get up turn off the light go downstairs and get.........what do i get oh right strawberries. yes those. the damn good ones.
um so then yesterday. Well yesterday was a little better for one i actually did stuff. valerie ddn’t come which was just fine w/ me. uh so at 4 i did my laundry.cause appearances. and the lady i talked about Sat. which bothers me that she’ll like do that.that she’s attentive.

Last updated September 19, 2017