The Unwilling in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

  • Jan. 11, 2017, 4:01 a.m.
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Shorty before Christmas, I called Edgar. I had seen him around town and he looked healthy, doing his steps for AA, so I wanted to reach out and see how he was doing. The conversation was fairly pleasant and he said that he wanted to get together with me so that he could give me back some stuff of mine that he had. I was open to it and we decided to plan something the day of the Stevie Nicks concert. Well, we had to put it off, and then he was moving and then it was the holidays, so things kept getting in the way.

While I was at work on Sunday, I sent him a message asking when he was free. He said he had work and so I told him that maybe if we actually planned something and put it on the calendar, we’d actually be able to do that.

His reply was (the next day, mind you), “Oh, Justin, sweetie. I’m just not ready to do that.”

I said, “Huh?”

“I know we talked about it but I’m not willing to meet up. I’m sorry.”

I don’t know why, but that really hurt my feelings. Like, I couldn’t even drive correctly. I was driving to get food and I kept passing the place. I seriously drove by it three times before I remembered where to turn into the parking lot.

“I’m not willing

My friends say it’s probably just part of his steps, and I’m sure that is probably the case, but why not just say that? I mean… that phrasing was just so harsh. I guess that was probably the point. And Edgar and I do have a tendency to resume our easy camaraderie whenever we’re around each other, but that was something we developed in classes together before we were a couple…

I don’t know, it’s a mystery. But I guess now I’m unwilling to put any more effort into remaining his friend… so Good-bye, Edgar, my love. I’m not even sure I wish you well.


KissOfLife! January 12, 2017

issOfLife! ⋅ just now
Yeah, little bit ouch there.
Although your friends are probably right. I have a chick friend who I barely saw once last year since she was (and I think still is) doing her AA course, not that I am much of a drinker at all.
I assume you will be wanting more of an explanation from him than "I'm just not willing," though.

Anthjo January 21, 2017

"I'm not willing". Seriously? LOL. Any grown ass adult should be "willing" to do anything, especially if it's as innocuous and inoffensive as a short meeting.

FWIW, I'm not even sure I think AA is a sustainable solution. My brother has been in and out of AA his whole life. This idea of --one drink after a year's sobriety is a slip up when you used to have 12 a night, every night for five years-- seems kind of absurd to me.

After my DUI (the only time I've ever been in trouble with the law), one of my requirements was to secretly attend five meetings and observe. It was the saddest fucking thing I'd ever seen in my life. One, it confirmed that my occasional overindulgence on the weekends and choice to drive was indeed STUPID....but I was quickly reminded that my life was nothing like the people in that meeting. They had lost everything...money, family members, marriages, their homes....The point I'm trying to make is that it was kind of like "misery loves company". They all seemed so goddamned miserable....and it was pathetic how they get "reset" back to square one when they slip and fuck up. I commend the attendees for doing what they needed to do in order to not fall back into the destructive habits that led them down that dark path in the first place but I couldn't help but think that for most of these individuals, there were other underlying components that had led them to abuse drugs and/or alcohol.

If those go untreated, then it's a matter of time. I think some people are prone to alcoholism the way others are susceptible to heart disease, cancer, diabetes or depression. You just need to take precautions and do everything you can to manage your chronic condition.

Like dieting, you can't call 40 pounds lost and 10 gained as a failure. Why would you call measurable, though not perfection a "fall off the wagon"?

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