1.) Jesus always got away with leaving the door open. “What, were you born in a barn?” is not so effective when your answer is “YES”.
2.) After every clean colonoscopy, you should get to throw a Super Bowel party with chips and beer.
3.) Irony was supposed to function as a critique of shallowness, lack of effort, devotion to formula, then it became an excuse for all the same.
4.) Your Russian knock-off of Back To The Future will be called STALIN FOR TIME.
5.) I wonder how many youtubers have bought a strange looking dog or cat specifically to boost their viewership.
6.) Yes, I’m singing about Hannibal Lechter to the tune of Panama. I doing the hell out of that.
7.) If the pick-up line “Are you friends with Moe and Shemp Howard? Because baby you are Larry Fine” works on you, you’re probably cool.
8.) It’s unbelievable that we got a teevee show called YOUNG POPE before we got a rapper called Young Pope.
9.) I would write a parody of Chain Lightning about Force Lightning but I’ve literally written dozens of Steely Dan parodies.