Broken record in The ugly truth about making babies

I feel like a broken record, going over and over the same worries in my mind.

I think I had managed to put them to the back burner with thinking we might go to Australia in the summer and put off looking into ivf until after then, however my brother announced they might have found cheap flights from Australia to Greece and that then means we could consider ivf sooner because I wouldn’t mind being only 4 hours away and pregnant if that happened to be the case.

I know stress is the worst, and least helpful thing in this situation. But I can’t help but think about all the things that could go wrong, starting with having the minuscule amount of attempts we would be offered and it not working at all, and ending with multiple pregnancies and babies dying from twin to twin transfusion syndrome.

Yes I realise this makes me absolutely certifiable. Yes I realise that millions of people have ivf every day and have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies. But I’m also so totally hyper aware of the many people who don’t. Part of me wishes I was really ignorant and just took things at face value, bumbling along blindly.

I need to get out of my head. I’m literally driving myself insane. It’s actually all supposition, we haven’t even met with our doctor yet, although Joey has been told it’s more than 90% certain he’ll only ever have a child through ivf so it’s almost a done deal that that’s what we’ll get told.

What if there’s something wrong with me? That’s my latest thing. What if we go, and I have my investigations, and there’s something wrong with me? I don’t even know what that would mean.

It’s just all too grown up. Like seriously, if I could just adult a little less that would be delightful. Whatever happened to happy accidents?!

Xx

Last updated December 16, 2016