Buring out quickly... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

I don't know how much more of this I can take. Work is just breaking me down physically. The stress of issues with other people, managers, the hours, and the loads, it's playing hell on my head. The Ginger showed up in the one dream I actually had this week, which, of course, was no help. And my "special friend" is.... shit.... I don't know what she is at this point, is sending some very mixed signals. And so is S. I've broken down and admitted that I can't hack the big stuff in deliveries, and the BS is getting to me. I'm going to try and stay with the same company, but if I can't, oh well.

I've had plenty of "I just want to completely give up" days this week. I won't consider the big finale because there's too much riding on me. I don't wanna leave the cat and dog like that. They've been here for me when I've needed them, so I can't just bail on them. I want to move. Badly. My sanity needs to get the hell out of the urban areas. I need quiet. I need peace. I need privacy. I have that in fractions here. Plus, extra income from renting this house out would be nice. I need to do something.

I need to win the f*ing lottery. At least then I could stop stressing about some things and do something I actually want to do. Build things. Make things. Be creative. I was very well off growing up, but I will say money does not even come close to buying happiness. For me, it would get rid of some worry and stress, and allow me to do things I actually want to do. Maybe open a business. I dunno. I can't just be idle. Work is good for me. I just wish I were more in charge of what I am doing.