Selfish vs. Self care in The Present

Sounds like some lines were crossed here. There's nothing wrong with setting some healthy boundaries with her, for both you and your husband. I hope it all works out! I can't blame you for feeling the way you do.

The Christian thing is to forgive - but that doesn't mean you have to welcome in with open arms! Christians are to forgive but they're also to flee from sin, from any temptation that we know would lead down a dark path. Welcoming her into your life and your husband's life - that's playing with fire. You can wish her well and still keep her out. It's not YOUR problem that she's having problems. What he's saying is that he cares more about her feelings than yours. So what I'm saying is that you shouldn't feel guilty. He's YOUR husband and you have the right to demand that your feelings trump hers. I think it's just icing on the cake that you don't hate her.

Granted, I'm newly married so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about here,but I believe that the man you marry puts you first. If that were my husband I'd make him cut off contact!

I agree, the "Christian" attitude is to forgive, but I don't think that means that you need to befriend her at the same time. And I'm sorry, but if this woman was really your friend, she'd have enough respect for both your husband and your marriage to leave well enough alone and find another person to confide in. They both crossed a line, and it comes across as you allowing it to continue because no ultimatums have been issued about the two of them maintaining a relationship.

Having said that, I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how hard this must be to go through.

Thinking of you <3

I don't know if you can make him do anything (just looking at the words of other notes). I think that not talking to her should be a natural progression for him to realize how important his marriage is to him and how much he wants it to heal. It cannot heal while she is still in the middle of your lives.

Regardless of friendships, having her there will allow the wound to never fully close. I am not saying this to judge but his actions indicate selfishness and unwillingness to fully admit that he still has feelings for her.

I've attempted to carry on a friendship with a guy who I used to flirt with before I met my husband. We cooled it after I met my husband. After I got married we started chatting again, and he was incapable of talking to me like a normal person, it was always sexually charged conversation on his part. I had to end it. Then we got in touch again and same thing so I ended it again. I felt it was disrespectful to my relationship, my husband and myself.

He may not be having sexually charged conversations with her anymore, however it's there, those feelings don't just die, they stay alive with the contact and it's very telling that he is still involved with her, even on a platonic level.