I'm going to write this here because...I don't know where else to. in Matters of the heart.

I think I have lost her. I don’t know how to feel. And I don’t want to jump to anything because we haven’t really had a chance to really talk about things, but we have talked a small amount. And it all just seems to say she isn’t interested anymore. Now it is a possibility that this is due to her emotional funk/existential dread she claims to be feeling. But I can’t help but think about the chance that it isn’t.
Hell, part of me wants to apologize for misinterpreting things. But she said that she would like to take it head on and hash things out but she “is not able to right now. [She] is just not with it emotionally right now” So I don’t want to get ahead of myself and shit. I want to wait and actually talk things out with her.
But damn I forgot how much this shit hurt. And with everything else I feel even more alone.
I hate this waiting to find out if I am a complete idiot or not. I should know better. I don’t want to pressure her or anything like that and I do want her to be happy, I guess maybe I misinterpreted things and thought we were more than what we are. I need to suck it up and be patient. I can’t determine a damn thing until her and I really talk. But IDK when that will be…I am actually scared.