Stolen from the web. in Stolen surveys.

1. Have you ever lied about your age?

Yes, to get into clubs when I was under aged. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t.

1. Do you talk to yourself in the car?

Sometimes, but just to hear what something I want to say to someone might sound like out loud.

1. How long have you gone without a shower?

In recent memory, maybe three days at most, but usually need to take one every day to feel alive.

1. Say you dropped a piece of food on the kitchen floor…

At this point the floor is so disgusting, I’d just throw the food out.

1. Have you ever forgotten to wear underwear?
   No, but I’ve gone without it on purpose just to see what it feels like, or when I didn’t have clean underwear.

2. Admit it. Do you have a favorite child? (If you are not a parent, please skip this question.)

Why do I have to skip this question? Damn you!

1. Do you always wash your hands after using the restroom?
   Yes, because I’ve gotten yelled at before for attempting to wash the persons hands standing next to me.

2. Would you ever drink or party with your teens? (If you are not a parent, skip this question.)

Fuck you, I’m not skipping another question. IF I was a parent, I’m afraid I would be either a very bad influence and party with my teen, or a very strict parent trying to protect them from everything. Oh, maybe this is why I should have skipped the question, cause I don’t know.

1. Would you ever get cosmetic surgery?
   Hell yeah, anything to make myself look even more hot then I already am. Not sure if the world could handle it though.

2. Would you rather have a hot, well-endowed man or $30,000 in cold, hard cash.

Ok, why didn’t you ask me to skip this fucking question?
I’ll take the money.

1. Ever woken up next to a stranger?
   Hasn’t everyone at one point or another? I mean you marry someone, you live with them for 50 years, and then one morning you realize that you don’t know them at all, and they sure as fuck don’t know you. (Deep shit, huh?)

2. Have you ever considered (even for a second) stripping for extra cash?

If I was female I would have definitely made money using my body. Even fucking for money and status. That’s right, I’d be fucking my way to the top baby.

1. Do you always pick up after your dog? (If you do not own a pet, please skip to the next question.)
   Usually I did, when I had a dog, but sometimes I just couldn’t be bothered.

2. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?

No, that I haven’t done.

1. Have you ever used your period as an excuse to get out of something?

Well, I’m just going to go ahead and skip this question on my own.

1. Do you watch porn with your significant other?

I have, and we usually fucked after about five minutes of watching it.

1. Do you watch porn by yourself?

I sure do.

1. Have you ever returned clothes after wearing them?

No, not even when I realized they didn’t fit. I don’t think most guys return clothes if they’re not right. We either give them away, use them as dust or cum rags......or both, and then give them away.

1. Do you ever wish something bad would happen to your in-laws?

If I had them, I’d probably like them. Used to get along great with my girlfriends parents for the most part.

1. Do you still pee in the pool?

Yes, and I actually enjoy it.

1. Have you ever hit someone’s car then driven away…?

Yes, but there was no damage to theirs, and it only happened once.

1. Do you ever post pictures on your social media, just to make your ex jealous?

No, I post them to make the whole world jealous.
(This doesn’t include my dick pictures. I don’t think those make anyone jealous....god damn it.)

1. Do you ever delete your browser history on your computer so that your significant other can’t see your past searches?

If I had a significant other, I’d hope they wouldn’t mind, or even would enjoy the shit I look at.

1. Have you ever hooked up with a coworker?

Many times. I never regretted it either.

1. Have you experimented with recreational drugs beyond tobacco, alcohol and marijuana?

I tried cocaine one time. Didn’t care for it, but if I did it more then that once, I think I could develop a liking for it.

1. Do you look at your partner’s emails/texts?

Never did, and wouldn’t without permission.

1. Ever tried to steal a friend’s significant other?

One time when I was in my early twenties. I still have mixed fillings about it.

1. Have you ever blind copied the boss on an email to get a coworker in trouble?

No, I’m big into the trust thing. (I know that last question might show otherwise, but that was a one time deal.)

1. Have you ever had a crush on someone (celebrity or not) who is underage?

Yes, Dana Plato, but I was under age too.

1. Have you ever laughed so hard you peed?

No, but I’ve peed my pants before just to see what it felt like. It was kind of fun, in a weird way.

1. Do you often think about someone else during sex?

Guilty!

1. Studies show a small amount of alcohol is safe during pregnancy. Would you do it?

Yes, and when the child turned out to be a retard, I’d just drown it.

1. OK, you just realized the clerk charged you less than you actually owed. Do you go back and tell her?

I do go back and tell, because those fuckers are often responsible to make up the difference. I’m not that big of an asshole.

1. Have you ever hooked up with someone just for revenge?

I would have if I could have.

1. Be honest. How often do you wash your sheets?

Basically whenever someone might see them. Or if I feel like sleeping in clean sheets. So rarely.

1. Have you ever forgone shaving your arms, legs, and/or girly bits just because you were not in a relationship

Ok, I’m a guy, but going to answer anyway. I shave my under arms, because it makes me feel cleaner, but everything else is hairy. I’ve shaved my balls before and it was kind of cool but the up keep was crazy so I stopped that. Besides I like pubes.

1. Do you lie to your doctor about how much you drink or smoke?

Nope. Fuck him.

1. Have you ever driven drunk?
   Many times when I was younger and dumber. But the laws weren’t as serious about it back then either.

2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done to get even with someone?

Moved on without looking back. That usually pisses them the fuck off more then anything else would.

1. What’s a quirk about you would never want your significant other to find out?

If we were compatible she’d enjoy all my quirks. Even the fact that sometimes I suck my thumb to fall asleep.

1. Have you ever passed gas on an airplane?

Only in the bathroom. You kind of have to because of the air pressure thing, I think.

1. Have you ever lied to a significant other about how much you spend?

Yep.

1. Do you snoop your ex’s Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc.?

Only the ones I’m still friends with.

1. What is your age?

Physically 51, mentally 14.

1. What is your average yearly income?

Not enough.

1. Did you graduate from college?

Nope.

1. What’s your relationship status?

Single, and taking applications.

1. How many children do you have?

I’m pretty sure none.

1. What is your political affiliation?

Not sure what it’s called, but I’d like to gas everyone who doesn’t agree with me 100 percent.

1. OK, last chance. Confess something juicy.

I always do, and can’t think of anything I haven’t mentioned before.