Actually in just testing

I don't want a baby.

Want to know why?

Because I can't afford to heat my apartment. Because one of my bras broke and I can't afford to get another one. Because we can barely afford groceries - never mind diapers and other random baby stuff. Because I shouldn't have to steal from my 'car gas' fund to go to an unexpected dinner on the weekend.

Because I want better gloves. Because I want a car with heated seats. Because I'd like to buy better nail polish that doesn't chip after 1 day. Because I need new glasses.

And many more reasons.

I can't afford it! I need to get it out of my head, this want for a baby cause I can't afford it and I probably never will be able to. Even if I got a raise - which is possible after a year of working - why shouldn't I spend it on myself?!

I like the idea of pregnancy and a baby but the reality, future and cost of a baby - I actually don't want.

I really don't. I don't want the worry and stress and loss of freedom [and $$] that comes with kids.

I see these mom's in my school. Some mom's have 3 kids in this expensive ass school and they don't work!

I will never BE that. I should have done better in school. I should have married for money. I'm never gonna BE that life. So it's a dream I need to put on the shelf.

And I'm sure once I'm done with this debt filled period in my life and I can start making money for MYSELF and start spending it on MYSELF I can be happy without kids!

I can't have anything decent for myself AND have kids. And I choose not to struggle and drag my kids along for the life of struggle.

I've been poor. Although at the time I didn't know HOW poor I was cause everyone else lived the same. But I don't know how my mom did it and I don't want to do it.

There was times my mom didn't eat to feed us! And that's great. But maybe I don't want to be in that position.

And you guys who are my long time readers know Will can't do it. Be a dad, yes - I believe he can do that. But deal with the financial stress of being broke while being a dad - no, he can't do that.

It would lead to divorce. They fighting would be so bad - and I'd of course want a fight free environment for my child - I'd leave him. I'd kick him out. I wouldn't let a child of mine deal with his tantrums or learn his horrible temper and behavior.

Financial security is sanity for Will. And you barely have that while you had kids unless you're rich! And have some plan to stay rich!

Cause even rich people lose jobs, and go bankrupt. Then what?

I'm not having kids. And maybe after I pay off my debt I can afford to get on birth control and just be done with it all.