As things stand in The ugly truth about making babies

As usual, when things are going well, I never seem to find time to write about it!

Following on from my last entry about joey, things have been good. He’s barely been drinking in the week, the odd one here or there, and he’s not been doing the mindless drinking from noon til night at the weekend either.

And it goes without saying that because he’s been drinking less, things have been better in our relationship. It makes me so happy to say that. Things have been good, we’ve been talking, we’ve been having fun together, he’s been more thoughtful and considerate and motivated, it’s such a lovely change.

I have been a little concerned that it’s the summer holidays and usually he would spend the summer holidays drinking endlessly. I think cos I’m here and making him go out and do stuff, and giving him little jobs around the house, it’s easy to distract him. Flashback to last year for example, I can’t remember if I wrote about it, I was supposed to pick him up from his (now our) house after i finished work. He wasn’t answering his phone, and when I turned up at the house he was passed out drunk on the settee, door unlocked, surrounded by beer cans and a box of wine.

In those terms, we’ve come ever such a long way, like that is something that just doesn’t happen anymore. I guess slow and steady wins the race, and if I keep being consistent in my expectations, he’ll keep continuing to progress.

Obviously in all the talking lately the subject of kids has come up a lot. He keeps reiterating how much he wants a family, and I keep telling him he can’t behave like a teenager and have a baby, like the two just don’t go together. And to be fair he concedes the point.

We’ve had a lot of chats about the sperm situation and the potential likelihood of having ivf, and I’ve said to him that sometimes I feel like he takes for granted that it’s something I’ll just do cos I want a kid too, whereas actually there’s a little bit of if I’m going to give my body and soul up to the hormones and invasion and craziness, then it will only be if i feel like I can rely on him and be supported by him, and that starts now. And again, to be fair, he’s accepted that it’s a two way process, that he has to give what he can in terms of emotional support.

I’ve had so many dreams about babies, and birth, and children the last week or so. It’s completely freaking me out. I think I’m just having a little bit of a moment, where I’m looking at women with babies in the street and wondering if I’ll ever be one of them. We had a chat about timescale, in terms of if things don’t happen naturally when will we go to the doctors etc, given that we have a diagnosed fertility problem so things will probably happen quickly.

We said we would go in the new year and see where we stand. I think as well that’s a good amount of time to see how things are going with the drinking and if progress continues to be made there. It’s not like I’m rushing into anything, it’ll be six months since we had the horror make or break week, and it’s something that can be discussed nearer the time.

For now, I’m just going to enjoy being happy.

Xx