K... so, I kinda spent NYE with George. He insisted on heading out before midnight though. I dropped him off at like 11:40 pm though which was utterly ridiculous. I would have loved to have kissed him at midnight, but whatever. I know he had other plans but I highly doubt that they came to get him before midnight at that point. Then the fool texts me at like 2 am to say Happy New Year... I'm guessing he was drunk and wanted to talk but I had my phone turned off. He gets kinda sappy when he gets drunk Either way... Idc! There was just something very cold about him on NYE and it is just as well that it was that way. The holidays are over and I don't fee the need to reach out to him as strongly anymore. He knows I'm here if he needs me.
In the meantime... LOU!!! I am really enjoying this man. He is very sweet and mature and perfectly what I need right now. Out with the old and in with the new. I know I am kinda having a difficult time with the whole out with the old but the in with the new thing is actually looking really good. I think the more I focus on the new, the easier it will be to let go of the old.
I feel really blessed with this man. He is really great. He just says the nicest things to me, it's almost like God sent him to me directly! He is exactly what I needed in my life. I keep thinking that maybe it is his dead wife who guided us together. It is kind of weird now that I'm thinking about it. She died on August 2 and that is the exact day that George and I started fooling around on a regular basis. There was a meteor shower on August 2 when he and I were just going for it. I couldn't help but think that had to mean something. Perhaps it did and I just didn't realize it at the time. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with me and George. Maybe it had to do with Lou's wife. Maybe the heavens were opening up to let her in and all the angels were crying. Maybe those were her tears for having to leave her husband and kids. Maybe she was looking down on me and George and saw what was going on and what was going to happen and maybe she knew that Lou and I would need each other. Maybe I am just really nuts lol.
Idk... maybe I am right about that. I really do keep feeling like we have been guided together. He is just so perfect for me and I know that I can help to heal his broken heart with time. I know that I am a good person. My heart is freaking huge and it is full of love and compassion. Maybe we are both just what the other one needs. There is a part of me that would absolutely love to move out of the friend zone now (just a little bit). But I know he needs to be the one who makes the first move. I don't ever want to do anything that would make him feel uncomfortable or guilty. I love that we are building the friendship first. That is the foundation for anything meaningful. If we can't build a friendship first, what good is it? I do feel like we are lacking something though. I think we really need one solid common interest that will bond us together. That will happen in time though, I'm sure.
So, I don't know if I'm grateful for Lou, or grateful to his deceased wife, or just to God. Maybe it's all of the above.
On another note, I was so very happy to be back at work this am. Even though I didn't sleep at all last pm, it felt really good to be back doing what I love to do. It felt really good!
I also can't stop thinking about how grateful I am for all the love I already do have in my life. I do have a lot of love. That is why I have so much to be grateful for :)