people talking without speaking in 2016

6:52pm

So, I’ve been listening to a lot of Disturbed lately. Ever since I heard their cover of “sound of silence” on the radio a few days ago. That is such an amazing cover! And apparently everyone’s suddenly discovered it even though it’s been out a while. It’s so good though that I had to e-mail a video of it to an old OD friend. We used to share a lot of music back and forth and when I went to send the e-mail I realized we haven’t talked since like Oct/Nov. Not totally unusual for us, but still. It’s crazy to go that long without talking to someone and then just picking it back up. That’s kind of our thing though. Months between e-mail exchanges. Funny it’s been going on for years.

Anyway, that’s how great the song is. So intense and amazing. They even used it in a dance number on Dancing with the Stars last night so it’s definitely hit primetime. hah.

After I looked it up online I ended up listening to a lot of their other stuff too. I’d forgotten how much I used to enjoy this style of music. I haven’t listened to any hard rock in years. At least not consistently or more than a couple songs at a time. I’ve been on a huge country music kick for so long. Longer than most of my other kicks so it’s weird to suddenly rediscover this stuff and be so into it. I’m going to have to go back and search through my old music files to see what else I can rediscover. A new music era may be on the horizon. =)

In other news: my brother called a few hours ago. He found out his surgery is going to be on the 7th. No where near the end of June like I thought. He’d been saying it would be a month or more but I guess they’ll be ready a lot sooner. That kind of kills my plans to attend either my uncle’s surgery, or the business meeting. Those will be the days that he’s settling back in at home and those are kind of the most useful days for me to be there.

I’ll probably go for the surgery and stay for a few weeks. I’m trying to decide how many weeks exactly. Tickets aren’t really at the most amazing prices, despite all the talk on the news of lowest prices and good deals. My brother tried looking up tickets, saw the insane prices, and said he’d leave it up to me. ha. Maybe now he’ll understand why I tend to fly Southwest even if it takes him an extra 15 minutes to go pick me up. Lazy bum!

I know I don’t want to stay passed the end of June. Or I’d prefer not to. I like my brother and all, but not that much. =P Texas is not my favorite place to visit. The weather always sucks and I strongly dislike thunderstorms in the middle of the night. Plus, he moved into a one-bedroom apartment and got rid of his cable! How will I survive so long without regular TV!?! ;)
But really, we don’t get along so well after that much time in close quarters. And I probably will get bored just sitting around acting like his slave.

We’ll see. I’m not sure if I’ll fly out there, or drive. Not sure if Mom is coming with, or not. I don’t know if she’ll stay long if she does go. Etc. A lot of stuff up in the air at this moment. I’ll probably try to figure some stuff out tomorrow at work. It’s easier to concentrate in an office environment. heh.

Also, Mom has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow so we have to go in early and then I’ll be there on my own for most of the afternoon. I’ll need stuff to do and have time to get it done. Although I also have JR’s box to work on. I did some serious organizing yesterday when we ended up at work for most of the day on our day off. The two people that were scheduled to come in didn’t show. Or rather, one didn’t show and the other cancelled. Luckily we had a walk-in so that made up for some of it. JR also came in but he was running on like one hour of sleep and therefore not very coherent.

Things are back to mostly okay between us. I ignored him for a while there, but we started talking again by my birthday. He ended up coming over that day [did I talk about this?] and it’s alright. We’re mostly avoiding any talk about the house because that was such a frustrating situation for me/us. And I know there’s some stuff he’s not telling me regarding money, but it’ll all come out eventually. He’s no good at keeping secrets from me. I kind of do everything for him anyway so he’ll have to tell me at some point.

He has gotten better at doing things himself though. Like he’s suddenly discovered that he can, in fact, manage to mail his own letters and handle his own business. haha! And he hasn’t said anything explicitly to me about what happened but I can tell he understands that I was super annoyed/frustrated/pissed at the situation we went through. So he’s treading lightly and not asking too much from me. He must have read my mind and the thoughts I was having regarding quitting and telling him to go find someone else to help. I’m not really willing to put in all that extra effort anymore. I was going above and beyond my job description because I got wrapped up in it and wanted to see him succeed. It doesn’t benefit me in any way though and mostly he was just taking advantage of me. [And I was letting him walk all over me…so both our faults.]

He keeps talking about inviting me over to his house but he hasn’t actually given me a date and time. I don’t know about that either. I had grand plans about hanging out, drinking beer, and shooting the shh with him and his friends. Doubt that’ll happen now. I can’t stop thinking about how wrong him and his gf are for each other either, so it bothers me to be around them together. It’s just such a bad match and I know I’m not the only one thinking this. It’s pretty obvious that you aren’t made for each other when that other person is trying to change everything about you [like whether you wear boots or not to your own freaking wedding. He’s a TOTAL country guy. Works w/cows for Pete’s sake and she doesn’t want him to wear boots! Not even nice ones!] But who am I to say? I can’t even make a friend and I’m idealistic when it comes to love and relationships. Too many disney movies =]

So whatever. We’ll see how things go.

Oh, and not to mention the fact that he’s been throwing out a lot of “I miss yous” and “I love yous”, which is disconcerting. Most of me thinks he’s doing it to gauge my reaction. Like the other day I said something and he said it was because he loved me. Or he’ll say, “you know I love you.” Stuff like that. I never say it back either. Even though it comes out like a joke. He’s just the type of guy that I know when he says it to me in person he’s looking to see what I’ll do. He’s very observant in that regard. Watching how you react to stuff. And mostly I try not to cringe when he says it. hah. I end up rolling my eyes, or looking away, or not saying anything at all. Because I know he’s watching. But is he watching because he wants to see if I’m interested, or because he thinks it’s funny to watch me squirm? Like standing close to me and stuff like that.

I don’t know. I’ve said it before that I’ve always sorta had the feeling that I could say, “let’s do this” and he’d jump at the chance.
I can’t ever say it though. I’ve actually given it some pretty good thought and it just won’t work. We’re good at the witty banter and driving each other crazy, but we’d end up a couple of overweight alcoholics who fight all the time. I know this to be true. Our communication styles don’t match at all. We are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to managing money. And I think these are both super important things in a marriage/future with someone. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with someone, or being angry and resentful. So nope. Not ever happening.

Please remind me I said these words when I get old, and lonely, and desperate, and there’s no one else around! ;)

rose.
7:47pm