This is the way the conversation went with my mother, to the best of my recollection. In hindsight, maybe I should have discussed this with my therapist first, but I don’t think it went badly. I had the opportunity to talk about this with my mom in a long car ride, and it just sort of happened because she started the conversation with a question.
her: So when we go to the beach this summer, or you going to go shirtless?
me: I hadn’t really thought about that. I think I’d want to have a shirt on, or a bikini top or something
her: You really like wearing bras when you don’t need to? Don’t you find them uncomfortable?
me: a little bit. But it feels like something I should wear.
her: should wear? what do you mean?
me: I feel like since girls wear bras, then I should wear a bra.
her: You want to do whatever girls do?
me: hard to explain. I feel like I should do whatever girls do. I feel like doing boy things is weird and uncomfortable.
her: You want to be a girl?
It’s the second time she’s asked me that question, and I didn’t really answer her the first time, so I wanted to answer it better this time.
me: I’m realizing I identify as a girl. Not so much that I want to be a girl, but that I really am a girl. I just don’t have the body to match.
her: (after a long pause) Do you want to change your body?
me: I wish I had boobs. I don’t really want to have surgery though. That scares me.
her: probably good to not rush into something like that.
Several minutes of silence.
me: would it bother you if I wanted you to start calling me by a girls name? or using female pronouns when you talk about me? or referring to me as your daughter?
her: I’ll have to think about that.
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