Sow In Tears, Reap In Joy* in Writings

I’m cutting the cords. Pulling out all of the heart-strings that sting and ring even a little off-key… Replacing them with new chords, putting an end to the bittersweet symphony. Instead I’ll create my own melody. And if I am in luck, I’ll be becoming the mistro of my own orchestra, replacing finger puppets with the masterpiece that is the real me. I’m done being sucked up in the silence of my own inner voices drowning me out of myself, pushing me so far down that I can no longer hear the heartbeat of life itself, nor the see the beauty in the undertones.
Passionless, I’ve been so passive, aggressively trying to hope myself out of it. Unable to let go, shovel in hand, I’m told just six feet further from beneath where I stand, I did not know I’d been existing at the edge of rock bottom. As a tenant who pays no rent, but still must tend and toil until I reach that end as if it were my destiny.

The surface of the underneath is a harder shell to crack. I didn’t count on all of these layers. I didn’t realize I would be breaking my own back. And I have to ask, am I digging my own grave? Then I remember I’m the one who has put myself into this pit. Which leads me to wondering if I fail to see that there is a purpose in this. Maybe I’ve pushed the limit, and stretched myself so thin, so that what’s left tethers me, to some other reality worlds and levels above me, is really a piece of me that is drifting away from a gravity that exists to bring me down, and keep me here. I created this distance that is unfolding in time. Observed through the lens of these human eyes, as if it is a keyhole so far away, I see only one light. One star in the sky,.. is it there to show me how I can too conquer the night. How have I forgotten I have my own inner light.. if I can just dig deep enough, it’s on the other side.. of this rock bottom pit. I will rise above, as so below, by conquering the dirt I’m covered in. Piercing the veil that has covered my eyes, this bitter earth grips me with melody of lies, and snags me with it’s sharpened teeth, simultaneously stripping me of every layer of the former me I’ve always foolishly believed myself to be.

Suddenly I realize.. I am innocent. I’m of the earth.. but not a part of it. I’d known all of this from the start of it, but life put a blindfold on my third eye. Narrowing my vision, threading a tapestry, no precision, with the eye of the needle that kept pricking my trigger finger every time I tried to lift the veil with my own fingertips.
Which is why I made it my own mission to go to hell and back. And rise above the shadow of my self.
I come out the other side of,.. what I sowed in tears I shall reap in joy.

Last updated June 06, 2017