I really just can't believe this! I actually created a book to dedicate exclusively to George and I actually think I'm probably finally over him!
I have spent so much time between Thanksgiving and Christmas obsessing on him and crying mostly every day. I had all but written him off and sworn I wasn't going to contact him again. But the day before Christmas Eve, something told me to call him. That voice (not a hallucination lol) was telling me to make it about him, not me. It kept telling me that over and over again. It was just kind of telling me that it may very well not be about me at all... just like he had been trying to tell me. This whole him not contacting me may actually be about him after all. I called and we talked for a while. I was right. He said he hasn't been calling anyone at all. He hasn't been hanging out with anyone besides his bff. I asked him why and he said it's just about what's going on at his place. It is really starting to effect him negatively. I asked him if he wanted to hang out together on Christmas Eve. Idk why I asked him for Christmas Eve, but I did. Either way, long story short, we went to our usual spot. It's the same place that started to change our friendship one year ago... the cemetery. We went to stargaze. As we pulled up to our "spot" I reminded him that it was a year ago that we started all this shit. He knew that. He knew the exact date. We cuddled on the blanket some for a while. It was again too cold to stay there for too long so we came back here.
We did back rubs and cuddled for a while, he was trying to get me to do things with him. I just can't help myself sometimes... when I think he is in pain, I can't say no. I started rubbing on him and we started kissing. Then he started trying really hard to get me to let him lick my clit. I didn't want him in there at all because I didn't want to make myself that vulnerable. But he kept begging to let him do that and like a fool, I believed him when he was making it sound like it was for his benefit to do that. It sure was. Don't get me wrong, I definitely orgasmed... a huge, strong orgasm right in his mouth, and it felt wonderful. That is why the sex with him is so great- he is very giving sexually. He is THE ONLY man who has ever cared so much about my orgasm. EVER. That is why we are so great together sexually speaking. I know that I am the best he has ever been with in that way too. But either way, after I orgasmed, I could no longer refrain... I had to give him head. It was just right there in my face. It's been 2 months since I have been with anyone... and he is the only one I have been with in almost a year. He stayed here till like 7 am Christmas am and I told him I would pick him back up after I got home from movies last pm. However, since I hadn't slept at all on Christmas Eve and spent all of Christmas day with my kids and my family, when I got home from the movies, I texted to see if he still wanted to hang out. He called me and I mentioned that I still hadn't slept at all. He said to just go get some sleep. I jumped at that chance. I told him I would pick him up today & we could hang out today.
I got up this am and I just wasn't in the mood today. I wasn't in the mood for anything today. Not only did I not hang out with him, I never even bothered calling him to tell him. I completely and totally blew him off. I am also no longer obsessing over him.
How could this possibly be happening??? I dedicate a whole book to him and now those obsessive thoughts are gone???
Funny thing is that as I was typing all this, he just texted me, making sure I didn't try to reach him today. Well, I guess he's back to being my "friend" now that we started fooling around again?? The thing is, I told him that's the last time and I meant it. I wonder how much longer he will try contacting me once he realizes I mean it.