I'm shocked it took me so long :) in OCD George

  • Dec. 28, 2013, 10:36 a.m.
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K, so the title of this book is OCD George for very good reason. I have OCD (self diagnosed of course) and the main focus of my OCD for approximately the last year has been George. George was one of my very first friends I ever made after my divorce. We worked together. When we first met, I was actually more interested in our other friend (that we worked with). But as time went by, I simply could not deny his personality. I have never been one to go head over heals based on someone's looks. It is always the personality. So anyways, last Christmas, He and I kind of pushed the lines of friendship. It was almost magical. We went to our common friends place and then he suggested we go stargazing (I had asked him a while back about doing that with me sometime) that night. So we went to the cemetery near his house, put down a blanket and covered up with it at the same time. It was pretty cold so we were forced to be very close to each other. It was nice. His hands went wandering under my clothes but didn't touch any of the girly parts. It was dark so I gave up looking at his face while we were talking. At one point he hinted he was going to kiss me but he chickened out. Either way, it changed our friendship from that point on. Finally by Good Friday, he was trying to get into my pants and I reluctantly went for it. I knew it was a bad idea, but I really cared about him.
What a long summer it was. It just became a roller coaster ride for me. I fell in love with him, he just kept hurting me. I have other diaries on other websites documenting all the details along the way.
Now I am just being left sad and alone. He isn't talking to me anymore. It hurts a lot. I kept trying to get him to tell me what is wrong and he keeps telling me nothing is wrong. Yet, if I don't text/call him, we don't talk. He even got mad the last time I called... he picked the phone up yelling at me. He couldn't talk and said he would call me back. He did call back the next night and we talked but that was 5 days ago. I haven't called him since and he hasn't contacted me. I had told him that if he doesn't go to NY for Christmas that he knows where to find me. He laughed. I am just so hurt, I can't stop crying. I mean, I don't cry the entire day but I do cry every day. It is particularly hard at night. There are no distractions at night.
The only thing that surprises me here is that it has taken me this long to write about it here. Most of my other diary entries have at least some mention of him in them. I guess there is just no new material to write about since I opened the diary here.

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