Woe is me, deal with my pity party lol in Torridaussity Two
- Feb. 11, 2016, 8:46 p.m.
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- Public
As we all know unless we live under a rock this weekend is Valentine’s day and as I see everyone posting on Facebook about surprises received, surprises being created and just people talking about it, I get all choked up and sad. I know it isn’t the end of the world, but I have never had a valentine. The older I get the more I fear that I will never find someone who wants to be in love with me. I am really down right now more so than other years, I think it is partially because there is another baby explosion amongst my friends and that is another dream the older I get I fear may never happen.
I recently had started talking to a guy and within the first few chats, I knew 99% that he was yet another scammer and I caught him and called him out this one actually admitted it and then tried to convince me he only lied about everything because he knew I wouldn’t talk to the real him. He said he was a white 44 year old widower with a child. He was a 22 year old Black college student in Nigeria. I date all races I just noted it because of the huge difference in who he portrayed himself to be. He took a new route than all the others instead of running away once caught he then continued the scam by saying he would never lie again and he really liked me please give him another chance and I asked him for time (mind you just to mess with him as he messed with me) he gave up just showing that once he knew I was over him he wasn’t getting anything from me. I swear I have a scammer approach me once a week and there have been some really good ones, but I always figure it out and really now I doubt everyone I come into contact with because there have been so many. I always give that old college try to see if they are real or not, but I get mostly the nots. I also get men who are significantly older than me, I am talking in their 60’s trying to contact me. Lastly I get the men who I just can’t date and you might say hey you are single you shouldn’t be so picky, but here are some examples as to why I won’t date them and settle, for I would rather be single than settle.
OK cupid has questions you can answer about yourself and here is one question if they say yes to I will say no to.
Have you ever had a rape fantasy and do you want to carry it out…I can’t date that sorry.
Men who think it is appropriate to send me a dick pic immediately
Men who admit to being male sluts
Men who think I am to be there property and thus will do all that they ask
Men who I have nothing in common with, which takes a lot because I am fairly diverse in my likes and dislikes
Men who just want sex, I want a real relationship
So in summation I will probably be crying all weekend off and on and wishing that the one person in my life I truly want to be my valentine would feel the same and I know that is not going to happen so, another year alone. I do send out love to you all though, thanks for listening to my pity party.
Small Town Girl ⋅ February 11, 2016
I always have a hard time with Vday too. And new years. Hate being single for new years as well! HUGS I know how you feel and I am right there with you! I gotta ask, how do you spot scammers? What signs are there that they arent who or what they say/portray themselves to be.
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ February 12, 2016
I will write you a longer note on the signs I notice on how to spot one. I am soon headed to work so not enough time. Hugs
Small Town Girl Always Laughing ⋅ February 12, 2016
Cool thanks! I'm curious because I am still thinking of joining a dating site. I've read a lot of reviews where women have said a lot of the men are scammers and not who they say they are on line. I sure would like to know how to spot them before I end up walking into a date with a man who is nothing like I thought he was.
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ February 13, 2016
Well these are just personal tips and suggestions. If you stay on decent sites you won't have too much trouble. I don't get a lot of scammers on ok cupid, but they are there, I even had one on e harmony. So here are things to watch out for, first of all if something seems off to you follow your gut it will usually be right.
1. Being in the military if often a part of a scam because they can explain away the time difference by being deployed somewhere unsafe while also gaining sympathy for being a soldier.
2. Unexplained time differences they try to explain away. This last one would always send me a good morning text at 3 am and say he went to bed early and got up early. It was really because he was in Nigeria and not W. VA.
3. Saying they are an engineer. I don't know why, but the majority of mine chose engineering as their job.
4. Being a widower. Now it does happen that there are young people who are widowers so this is not always an indicator, but a lot of mine have used that as a way to gain sympathy.
5. Being a single parent because of being a widower
6. They say they are American, but when they write their messages their grammar is off, it might not be anything majorly wrong, but this last one would also use would instead of will or the syntax of the sentence is wrong.
7. If it progresses far enough the scam will usually entail them having to travel somewhere and then all of a sudden something horrible happens and they need help and it means money. NEVER give out money.
8. The questions they will ask usually are do you live alone do you have a car do you own your home or rent, what kind of job do you have...innocent enough, but they are trying to determine if you have a decent income without coming right out and asking although this morning I had another one and he came right out and asked how much I make every two weeks and when I told him it was none of his business instant stop of communication. Also they always seem to ask how long you have been on the site on which you met.
9. Flowery over the top writing about finding the love of their lives and looking for soul mates and their queen. often copy and pasted from someone's romance site.
10. Quick to move from the site you meet on which most of them have chatting apps built in so there is no need to do that right away. Using yahoo chat is a big red flag, I don't know why but a lot of them want to use it and KIK.
I guess that is most of what I have learned. Feel free to ask me any questions. I guess I really do believe in love after reading this and what I have been through and I keep looking.
Small Town Girl Always Laughing ⋅ February 13, 2016
Thanks! Th at was very helpful! So do they steal pictures from the internet of white men and use as their profile pictures?! Ugh so disgusting! The lady I clean for just told me about KIK yesterday! I had never heard of it before! She said the news did a story about how men use it to lure young girls out for sex. Some 13 year old just got murdered by two college kids who used KIK to get her to come meet them! So sad.
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ February 13, 2016
Yes they do steal the pictures and I forgot you can try and do a reverse image search on google sometimes that is how I find out they are fake because the pictures belong to someone else's profile that is clearly the real person.
Small Town Girl Always Laughing ⋅ February 14, 2016
Interesting! So you would just type there name into Google and see what pops up?
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ February 14, 2016
No you save the picture to your computer than you open the image search option on google and drag the file into the search box it will actually search for matching images. Although I do google names too sometimes
Small Town Girl Always Laughing ⋅ February 14, 2016
Oh fancy!! Id never known to do that!
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ February 14, 2016
I got that from watching catfish
Small Town Girl Always Laughing ⋅ February 14, 2016
Neat!
Lady of the Bann Always Laughing ⋅ February 16, 2016
The one time I was contacted by a scammer,he was a an'engineer' his grammar was a bit off, he was divorced and trying to have access to his child,asked me all those questions s about car,house,job. Sent me pictures of his house and wrote emails about wanting to find his soulmate to my email address rather than staying on the site. His house pics turned up on a real estate website in CA, wrong country, he said it was England. I was suspicious at the style and garden plants in the background. When I searched the email address it belonged to a black woman in California. I dumped him (her) at that point. It goes to prove what we have always heard, anyone can be who they want to be online.
Always Laughing Lady of the Bann ⋅ February 16, 2016
You are right it is why I am so leery about meeting people online.
Small Town Girl Lady of the Bann ⋅ February 16, 2016
Wow! Exactly! We just never know who we are talking to!
LotusButterfly ⋅ February 12, 2016
Nooo!! Don't cry!!! I mean, I can see your point, some holidays like Valentine's are like sticking the finger in the wound. It sucks. But if it consoles you even a little bit, I am married and we don't do Valentine's Day ever. Once I thought he brought me flowers and I was so happy, turns out he had gotten them the day before for his birthday (his bday is Feb 13th) from colleagues. Valentine's Day for me is Seeing-My-Husband-Hungover Day. Please tell me at least I made you crack a smile :)
Also,... scammers?!?! WTF!?!?! And the type of men you won't give a chance to, well, hello! that's just being reasonable and smart. Gross. Is match.com better than ok Cupid? I mean, I don't know, but I have heard success stories from match.com, even here in Germany.
And one last thing... back when I was single I figured the biggest love of my life should be me, and I would always buy me a present and plan sth nice to do, get a pedicure or a massage, and treat myself. Bc I love me. And self love is sth many people don't have nowadays, and I wasn't about to lose sight of my own fabulousity just because I didn't have a significant other! :) xoxo
Always Laughing LotusButterfly ⋅ February 12, 2016
You did make me smile thanks and you are right I should love myself enough to be my own valentine.
Lady of the Bann ⋅ February 12, 2016
Well I got married on Valentine's Day (40 years ago) it wasnt because it was a romantic time to do it but 'Hey lets get married in 10 weeks". Count up the dates, make sure it's not my wrong week and hey presto! It is just another day. Commercialised. It meant we could never afford to celebrate on the day because all the prices were doubled. Dating sites are awful. You have to be strong. The only reason I saw Robert again was because he was the only guy not to ask for sex on the first date. I do t know that I could go through that again. I know you must hear it all the time but it is better to be alone than with the wrong person. Learn to enjoy your own company and family and friends.
My husband was completely the wrong person for me, but overall life has been good. I have my kids and grandkids and travel.
Always Laughing Lady of the Bann ⋅ February 12, 2016
I do agree I don't want to settle and you are right I should just treat it as just another day and not worry about what other's do on it.
Deleted user ⋅ February 14, 2016
Where do these scammers find you? That is horrible.
I remember that feeling a lot. It wasn't really even about the holiday, the holiday was just a reminder of what was going on all around me, that I didn't have. I'm sorry my friend. I have a lot of hope for you to one day meet your special someone.
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ February 14, 2016
Thank you and I really don't know why I attract them, but seriously it is insane how many there are.