4:00 PM 02/08/16
After I wrote yesterdays entrie I heard mother say they’re getting divorced (my mother and step father), with my severe depression yesterday their fighting actually started to affect me I was having a depersonalization moment where it feels like my mind and emotions are trying to break away from my physical form and it feels like I am two beings instead of just one. I am worried about our future because without him paying for stuff… I don’t know. All he ever did though was treat mother like crap, he thought of her only as a maid and a cook. They had a super big fight yesterday and mother says it is done and they are getting divorced, he is refusing to leave the apartment, he did pay rent this month so I guess he has to stay but when he comes back I am breaking my silence. Mother always said not to say anything to him but I am done putting up with his crap, when he gets home I am going to get right in his face and tell him that hes done, and the only thing holding me back from beating his a$$ is mother right now so he better watch were he steps in the near future. Never liked the son of a b***h and I am glad he is finally going to be out of our lives. I feel pretty down again today, and alone but there is a part of me that actually likes the pain. I don’t know why but a part of me feels like I deserve to suffer and an even darker part of me likes the suffering, I guess the only real thing thats ever been there is pain.
I bought mother lunch today, she has been getting her appetite back after being so sick for so long, now she just munches away and it makes me happy to see her eating again. She is in good spirits now that she is leaving that fat rotten bastard and I am too. It’s just going to be the two of us again and I miss that. Sure I have more chores to do now but at least it is the way it should be. I finished watching the Anime Black Butler and man that was a good one, now I have to find something else to watch… I guess I still got Supernatural reruns to watch. Anyway I guess that is it for today.
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