comforting touch in 2016

9:06pm

So, sometimes being a good person pays off.
I know, right?!

We had a client come in this morning for an appointment. Every year we give him a hard time about bringing us Chinese food. This year we decided not to say anything but he brought it up himself and we talked all about food and recipes. He asked if we’d tried one of the Asian restaurants in town and what we ate there. Then he went on to tell us exactly what was good there and that he’d bring it to us. We figured it was another one of those things people say to us during the season but that never comes true. Lo and behold, right around lunch time he showed up with a bag of takeout. It turned out to be pretty delicious and healthy. I only ate half of it and I was full until I got out of work after 7.

Yesterday two separate people brought us lunch [one of them being my aunt haha] and then another called and told us to stop by after we got out to pick up dinner. Pretty awesome, although they should probably get together and come up with a better rotation schedule. ha. I’m kidding. I appreciate it no matter what! We’re pretty lucky. And must be doing something right.

Or we probably complain so much about not having time for lunch and/or eating lunch at 8:30 at night that they take major pity on us. Either way, I’ll take it. :-)

In other news: I noticed that I’ve subconsciously been reaching out towards people recently.

Like the other day I realized that I was reaching out to JR and had to pull myself back from actually touching him. He was wearing this hoodie though and it always makes him look so cozy and soft. It’s hard to resist something like that.
But then just yesterday he was sitting at my desk and I was walking by him and I almost reached out to touch his shoulder. I would have done it too if I weren’t so aware of my own actions. I specifically remember the thought process in my brain where I told myself that that was a stupid move and pulled my hand back. He wasn’t even wearing the cozy sweater!

Then today I noticed that I was starting to flirt with the bbq guy. I didn’t mean to. It was just something that was coming out. All the flirty, witty, teasing comments. I told you my filter’s gone. I can’t help myself. I was just trying to connect.

On the way out of work I had a light bulb moment: I’ve been really tired lately. You know, with all the work and what not, and I’ve been seeking these moments out. Being tired has apparently brought out my loneliness feelings. I’ve subconsciously been reaching out to people. And it’s not that I want them in particular, it’s just that maybe I’m seeking that human connection. That comforting connection.

After hours and hours of work I kinda just want to end the day by reaching into someone’s arms. I want the kind of human connection that will comfort me in my misery. That will remind me that it’s ok and it’ll all be over soon.

That’s what’s been happening with me! It’s not that I’m suddenly interested in every guy around. It’s just that I’m looking for some way to connect and feel human touch.

That isn’t that crazy of a thing right? I’m not any different than most other humans. Right?

At least I’m aware enough to know exactly what’s happening. Thank God I can catch myself from actually physically touching people too! Because that could get awkward. heh.

There might have been more to say about all this but it’s getting late and I need to go to bed. I still have a couple more long days ahead of me. I’m super looking forward to my first day off, which should probably be Valentine’s Day! The days are on a countdown and I’m sure all the rest of this stuff will normalize eventually as well.

rose.
10:25pm