Is my brain working? in Diary

I just finished writing a note to one of my friends here, and I found that I’d made 4 errors before I went back and corrected it, so I thought I’d write a quick entry just to see if my brain is working correctly. So far, so good. I think. (Going back, I did write ‘text’ instead of ‘note’.)

From my hospital visit the other day, if I pay by 9 something PM tonight I owe them about $360 dollars, although on the printout they gave me it says in bold text THIS IS NOT A FINAL BILL. And yes, it is in caps and is also bordered. From my last experience with that hospital, when I went in with a kidney stone, I made the same arrangement with them, that I would pay in full being given a supposed 80% discount (and I did pay in full that day about $800), but shortly thereafter I received a bill from them for over $900 (which I haven’t paid and will never pay, consequences be damned). This time I’m inclined to not pay at all initially and just pay installments on the bills that follow. I have no problem paying what I owe, but if I’ve already paid what I owe in full, in my mind I don’t owe anything more.

I applied for insurance using the ridiculously titled “Marketplace” by the deadline before the end of the year and was given exactly one choice: Medicaid. Fine with me, but here we are nearing the end of January (coverage was supposed to start Jan. 1), and I’ve already had to go to the hospital, and I haven’t even heard back from them whether or not I was even accepted. But good times.

If I’m required by law to have insurance and I apply by the deadline, and I am told I will have coverage beginning 19 days ago, yet I need to go to the hospital before I am granted a yay or a nay on the insurance and I’m faced with a huge bill in the mean time, the hospital can go do you know what to itself. I know this is an immature and irresponsible way of looking at things, but I’m advocate for justice. Right and wrong are the two most important things to me, aside from love of course, which transcends all.

I may sound like an idealist, and I am. The woman I loved most (like Romeo and Juliet or Wesley and Princess Buttercup) refuses to have any contact with me, and has for several years now. “I’m uncomfortable about our relationship when we were younger” is the only communication I received from her when I asked why. What am I to do with that? Why do I still love her and why do I think about her all the time?

In any case, I’ve decided to make spaghetti and homemade sauce for my meal, today. I looked up some recipes and I have a general idea of how to do it. I’m going to use a can of whole tomatoes, some tomato paste, a few cloves of garlic, a small onion, some basil, salt and pepper, and olive oil. If it’s terrible, oh well. I’ll still eat it. I may throw in a couple bay leaves and a quarter teaspoon of sugar to cut the acidity.

I wish I could make my feelings for her disappear (that’s a total lie). I don’t want to obsess about her for the rest of my life. Also, I should really delete the word “don’t” from that last sentence. All I can do is love her from afar since my feelings for her won’t disappear, idealistic though they may be, and if she ever returns them, then… I’ll be happy? Maybe when the cows come home, and pigs fly.

My dad’s going to pick me up to take me to the store, as my car has been having issues. Really, though, my car could make it there and back. I’m just looking for an excuse to spend a little time with him. I took an Ativan last night, because I was wide awake after only 4 hours’ sleep, so I’m a little out of it still. It’s kind of like how you feel the next day after taking a sleeping pill.

Gaming wise, I am close to finishing Zelda: Windwaker. And I’ve been playing a lot of Left 4 Dead 2 the past couple years. I’ve clocked in over 300 hours (better than sitting in traffic). I don’t know, I guess I enjoy the human interaction, as superficial as it is.

That’s all I’ve got for today. Sorry for the short entry. I’ll try to write more soon.

Last updated January 20, 2016