It’s early Tuesday morning. I’m still sick…it feels as if nothing has changed since I really started feeling off Friday. I cough so much I get headaches, and it makes it hard to sleep. I called into work Sunday since I was so miserable, which I hadn’t done in my 4 years at this job. I was going to go to a coffee date Sunday night and then go out drinking with the roomie and her co-workers, plus catch up with a friend on Monday. I cancelled all of it due to being sick. Ugh. It’s like losing a week of my life, having everything being put on hold.
I want to get back to the gym. I want to get back to driving. I’m so frustrated. It’s been worse being in bed most of the time. The sense of loss that I started feeling when Mayumi betrayed me in September hasn’t dissipated. With losing my friend and with what happened at work last week, it’s only grown. No matter how level-headed I try to be, I come back to the same feelings of bitterness, sorrow and frustration. I want more than this. I don’t want to be in this position anymore. The first month of 2016 is 2/3 gone and I don’t feel like I’ve done anything. I won’t be in school until next term and I can’t afford to go back to wrestling until I save up some cash. I just want to get moving.
I seem to have delayed the death of my phone, so that’s good. It’s still funky when sending texts and possibly receiving them, but deleting a lot of apps and caches has sped it up at least. Thank goodness for that. I probably should look into getting something else, though there are songs I need to get off of it. I would say texts as well, but I’m not sure how one saves those, or if that’s even a good idea. I’ve kept plenty of mementos of people and relationships over the years. Hard to say if it’s helpful or merely burdensome.
I just want something good to happen, to start getting some momentum that way. Ella and I are going to see The Book of Mormon on Wednesday, so that should be a lot of fun. Maybe that will start it up. Regardless of how I feel, I’m back to work in a few hours. I feel like whatever I have should start clearing up soon. I did get something like bronchitis last winter and it lasted a couple weeks.
That’s all, not much to report. I’m still sick, still seething. Ready to get some changes underway.
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