I have ballooned to 230lbs even after getting down to 204 two months ago.
I have drank almost every single day for at least a year (after so long you just start forgetting when it started). By drink, I mean more than 6 beers, and recently I’ve been consuming a lot more (secret) liquor.
I’ve been binging and purging more frequently (at least once a day now) off and on since 2012. Before that I had been away from it for close to 3 years.
I’m not sad. My only source of regret, guilt, hopelessness is with my addictions to both food and alcohol. It’s a cycle; it is a cycle I have been repeating most of my life, and even now, in my 30s, when the depression has lifted and my past no longer haunts me, I can’t seem to climb away. Worse yet, I’m falling deeper down.
I have worked out for over an hour each, the past two days. I drank heavily yesterday. I had two beers today (12oz). I’m hoping I can stick to my guns and make them my last. I worked out after drinking, and it has motivated me, hopefully for the rest of the day.
I don’t want anymore excuses.
Day .05
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