The wind changed. in The Devil Beneath My Feet

I have given it a lot of thought, very careful thought at that, and I’ve decided to go back to school. I’m 26, every day I look at Dawn and think, “No. No, absolutely not. That’s not me, that can’t be me, I won’t let that be me.” Not that Dawn is a bad person, per say, but she’s been at the same job, doing the same thing, making no effort to advance and even if she did there would be nowhere to go, for 10 years. Ten years is a long time to sit complacently in a monotonous limbo on the bottom rung.

I can’t, I can’t be that. I don’t want to be that, that’s not me. I’m 26, I’m still pretty young, or at least I feel young. I’ve still got ambition, and the more I sit here whiddling away the days of my life the less ambition I have. So I’m going back to school, it’s official. I’m going to apply to my local SUNY tonight, I’ve scheduled a placement exam for Dec. 8th, and I’m going back for accounting. I have an attainable end goal, for the first time in my life I think haha. It’s a much more boring end goal than I’ve ever had, that’s for sure, but it’s that boringness that I find a lot of comfort in. It’s not lofty, it’s not contingent upon anyone or anything else, it’s all on me. Budget Analysis. I’m good at it! What can I say, I can manage money, I don’t know why, I just can. It’s like a puzzle, and I love puzzles.

That being said, it’s been a LONNNNG time since I had to do ANY math, let alone Trig, or Algebra, or Calculus, which is why I’m taking the placement exam again. I could just say “oh I passed math 102 the last time I went to this college, I don’t need to take it again” but the sad fact is I need math 101 again, let alone math 102.

I’m not going back full time, either. Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and what I’ve learned from my own personal history is that I do not do well as a full time student. I get too overwhelmed, flat out. Pages and pages of papers all due in different subjects at the same time, on top of math homework and science labs and back then Art classes and projects to boot? No. Far too much, I can’t do that and work at the same time, it’s just not possible for me. So, Part-Time night school. I really think this is attainable, I think I can do it.

Also, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t BEYOND FUCKING PUMPED FOR BACK TO SCHOOL SHOPPING HOLY FUCK BUY ALL THE PENS AND NOTEBOOKS