I WAS DOING OK in THOUGHTS

I WAS DOING OK BUT TONIGHT I COULDN’T SLEEP. JUST WHEN I WOKE UP MY HUBBY WAS GOING TO BED. HE STARTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT DIFFERENT THINGS AND I JUST COULDN’T COPE.
I TRIED TO EXPLAIN HOW I DON’T ENJOY PEOPLE. I DON’T LIKE TALKING TO THEM ON THE PHONE. I THINK HE DOES SO I TOLD HIM TO ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN HE FEELS LIKE TALKING. I’LL DO THE SAME BUT IT PROBABLY WON’T BE VERY OFTEN. I AM NOT SURE WHY! I JUST FIND MOST PEOPLE ANNOYING. I WOULD USUAL;Y RATHER BE ALONE. I DON’T KNOW WHY. I JUST DO.
THIS AFTERNOON MY FRIENDS ARRANGED FOR MY HUBBY’S FRIEND TO COME VISIT HIM AND ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS WENT OUT FOR LUNCH WITH ME ETC. IT WAS NICE BUT I AM VERY UNGRATEFUL. ONE DAY I WILL PROBABLY BE SORRY BUT WHAT CAN I DO. OK! I SHOULD BE MORE GRACIOUS. PEOPLE WANT TO HELP!!!
I WANTED TO GO MAKE AN ORDER, PASS BY THE BOOKSTORE AND MAYBE HAVE A COFFEE AND READ MY BOOK. ALL VERY RELAXING AND ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TONIGHT IT WAS LATE. I HAD JUST CRAWLED OUT OF BED. I WAS HALF ASLEEP AND I TRIED TO LISTEN TO MY HUBBY BUT I COULDN’T. I REALLY DID TRY. I TOLD HIM IT WAS JUST LATE. I COULDN’T COPE. MAUBE WE WILL CONTINUE THE DISCUSSION TOMORROW.
MY SON CAME FOR SUPPER TONIGHT. I THINK MY HUBBY ENJOYS IT. WHY DON’T I????? I WANT TO MAKE SUPPER AND SPEND A QUIET EVENING WITH MY HUBBY. I KNOW MY SON IS DOING IT BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER TOLD HIM HE HAS TO. I FEEL SO OLD!!!! I AM SURE HE ALSO WANTS TO. WHY DON’T I APPRECIATE AND ENJOY HIS COMING. I FEEL HE IS NOW THE SANDWICH GENERATION. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KNOW I WILL TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.
BEFORE I KNOW IT MOST OF OUR FRIENDS WILL BE IN FLORIDA. WILL I MISS THEM? I DON’T KNOW. I AM SO HAPPY ALONE. I HAVE MY HOBBIES.
WOULD I DO OK IF MY HUBBY DIES? I DON’T KLNOW. I JUST THINK THAT I WILL MOVE INTO A SENIOR RESIDENCE. I AM SO TIRED OF COOKING, BAKING WASHING AND SHOPPING. I WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF. IT’S ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM LISTENING TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC. I HAVE HEARD IT ALL MY LIFE AND I ENJOY IT. I DON’T KNOW WHY I NEVER LEARNED TO ENJOY THE HANUKAH MUSIC. I GUESS IT’S BECAUSE IT ISN’T PLAYED ALL OVER.
I AM ALSO MISERABLE BECAUSE OF MY FEET. I AM SUFFERING FROM NEUROPATHY AND MANY TIMES IT JUST ANNOYS ME TOO MUCH. I AM TAKING MEDICATION WHICH DOESN’T SEEM TO HELP AT ALL. MY DOCTOR INCREASED THE DOSE A FEW MONTHS AGO. I DON’T NOTICE ANY CHANGE. I GUESS I WILL TALK TO HER ABOUT IT AGAIN NEXT TIME.
SO HOPE FULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP SOON.
TOMORROW MY HUBBY HAS ANOTHER FRIEND VISITING. I WILL GO OUT TO MAKE A LARGE FOOD ORDER. I WANT TO BE PREPARED IF I CAN’T GO OUT. THERE ARE STORES AROUND THAT I CAN ORDER FROM.
WE NEED TO BUY SNOW TIRES. WE ARE GOING TO START BY GETTING A SET FOR HIS CAR. THEN WE WILL SEE IF I ALSO NEED THEM. I WOULD LIKE TO DRIVE MY CAR BUT HE PREFERS HIS.
I GUESS THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN. I ALWAYS GIVE IN TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S PROBABLY TOO LATE TO CHANGE NOW. AFTER ALL THE POOR MAN IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE!!!!!!!!