Honesty is rough and I'm sorry if I hurt you.
- If you could have things exactly as you want them, what would happen? Exactly.
If I could have things as I wanted them, I would see you leave him. Not due to the fact he may be an amazing father or person in general, but the cheating issue. You don't do that to someone. You can be many things in life, but there are certain things you don't come back from. That is one of them. I would have us together. Obviously, this includes children. I don't like being put on the spot like this. Too much going through my head and I can't put it all on paper right now.
- Is it "her" or is it the idea of her that you like? If someone else showed up in your life would that change your feelings?
You know the answer to this. At least, I thought you did. It is her. It's never been the "idea" of her or anyone. There is no "someone else". I guess this needs to be said.
Sara came to see Paige after work earlier. She stopped by and we had a long conversation involving you. These are the things that were said.
From Sara: I always knew there was something between you two. That's why I was so uncomfortable with you talking to her. I knew that what you had with her was more than what we had together. I tried to overlook it, but I knew it was there. You stopped talking to her for some time and I appreciate that. But I knew it was only a matter of time til it would circle back and appear. I'm sorry that I held you back from being happy with someone you should have been with.
I've thrown everything out and I know I am selfish for the things I want. But I could never and will never pressure anything out of anyone. I do not force anyone to do anything they don't want to do themselves. But I can let my opinion be known and that is what I choose to do. I wish you the best in everything that you do and maybe things would be better if we didn't talk. It is always complicated with us and always will be. I can't just be your friend. No matter how you and I look at it. It will never be good enough for me. Possibly, this has ran its course, you know? I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what you want me to say. I've ripped and tore at myself everyday. I've cried until I have nothing left. I don't know what else to do. I'm selfish and only think of myself in this. I should never have put you in this situation and for that, I eternally apologize. But, will I move on. No. If I have to wait 10 years, 15 years....I will. Just to have the chance at something. I know it's flawed thinking, but I don't know any other way and I don't want to move on to the next thing.
Hopefully, this answered something.
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