Brazil. in Musings

he stood there in the dark.

i don’t know how i spoke to him because he scared me. he wasn’t the typical boy i talk to. he had gauges. his arms and chest were full of tattoos.

all i remember is his intertwining his hands in mine and kissing me.

i pushed him away, when my dizzy drunk spell went away.

and he smiled, putting my hand behind my back and him whispering into my mouth “can you be mine?”

i laughed in his face. drunkenly.

he frowned and became angry.

i don’t remember his interactions, or how i ended up in my apartment with him shirtless.

he looks like a Brazilian Johnny Depp. He has a tattoo across his neck that says something in Portuguese.

he bit my lip hard,and pulled my hands onto his chest.

“I want you to be mine” he said with my lip in his mouth. His thumb slipped into my mouth, as he spit in his hand and began stroking himself.

I felt his thumb stretch my mouth open as he rolled his tongue into my mouth.

“youre so fucking pretty” he heaved as his hair fell on my face.

fuck he was gorgeous. and tall. white. brown eyes. his fingernails were dirty.

i stiffened up, realizing were both drunk. and pushed him off of me.

he continued to kiss my hand. “im fucking scared of you” he said looking at me as my index finger grazed his lips.

and i thought…fuck I’m scared of him…

I said “fuck you!”
and he climbed on me and said “can i fuck you?”

his lips tasted like weed and whiskey. as he kissed my neck his hair smelled like sweat and Marc Jacobs.

I felt his finger slip inside of me and I gasped, as he devoured my mouth. I felt him fumbling and realized he was pulling on a condom and before I knew it, he was part of me.

“Be mine. Be my beautiful man” he grunted as he thrusted “baby, you feel so good to me” he said as he laid his forehead on me.

the breaking point to me was that he fell asleep next to me. and he didn’t leave in the morning. he treated me like royalty, and i felt like it was deja vu.

Luiz.

I woke up and he laid next to me looking at me sleep.

“You know you make a guy horny?” he said kissing my nose “at least you make me horny, because you are so innocent and dumb” and I frowned at him, and in my head I just translated what he said in Spanish…even though he speaks portuguese—and it didn’t sound so mean in Spanish.

As I stretched he climbed on top of me and fucked me again. I tried pushing him away but his tattooed chest and boy next door look made me stupid.

im fucking sick of it all. all of the boys. all of the bullshit games.

fuck me because i mean nothing. fuck my body and don’t let me linger on you.

he still texts me and im confused by him.
was it one night?
or was it that i let you feed off of my weakness?