Bit of the Every Day in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era
- Oct. 9, 2015, 5:33 p.m.
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- Public
It is rare that my marital difficulties are so… run of the mill; so as this popped up today, I wanted to post it here. Maybe even get some “here’s what I do” style advice.
Wife, much to her dislike, has been getting 1-10 shifts consistently. Since I work for the government in a more traditional sense… my hours usually have me awake much earlier. Still, I stay up to spend time with her… otherwise, our relationship would be almost entirely non-existent.
Here’s the issue. She comes home today and has tomorrow off. Which means… we can finally watch the shows throughout the week that we watch together but don’t get to watch when they air because of her schedule. The problem stems from the fact that… she comes home, turns on the TV, goes silent as a Buddhist Temple. She is 110% incapable of watching television and having a conversation. That, truly, may be an understatement. She cannot listen to the TV and have a conversation… she cannot have the TV on at all (if she’s interested in the show) and interact with others. I could be wrong but… very much a “Yeah, she may be on the Autistic Spectrum here” kind of thing. I’m trying to control my emotions over it. But… my situation with work, finding a job, all of it… the one word that defines all of it loudly for me is lonely. SO when my wife comes home… I want to interact with her. Of course… as we’ve experienced many times… sometimes that interaction isn’t good. But… it is a weird place to be. Like… I want to have a conversation with my wife. I want to have an exchange of words, ideas, emotions… y’know… that kind of thing. And … yeah. Just… wanted to share that.
stargazing ⋅ October 09, 2015
I hear you there. My husband has created his schedule so that it's completely opposite of mine. We do have the weekends together, when he isn't busy playing playstation or catching up on work. I'm up and working at 8am...he has been sleeping until 3-4pm and starting work at 5. I hear you with the loneliness.
Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ October 09, 2015
I really understand your loneliness. I work nights and my husband works days, and we can frequently drift through weeks at a time, spending little more than the occasional passing hour in each other's company.... much as this is "our" house, for all the time that we share it often feels as though I live alone.
I'm sure that when your wife walks through the door after work, she wants to relax and unwind after her shift, but is it really necessary for her to turn on the TV straight away? If she can't watch tv and converse at the same time, could you not set aside a little time to talk before you start watching your shows together?
I think she may be a little like my husband, in that being sociable is perhaps an effort for her? When he arrives home after his shift, he doesn't like to talk, he just wants to unwind and process his day in his mind. If I start chatting straight away, he gets frustrated because to him, that chatter isn't relaxing. Maybe if your wife is like this, you could watch one episode of a show together, then turn off the TV for a short while to talk... chatting about what you've just watched may even help to get the conversation started, if this is difficult sometimes?
Park Row Fallout Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ October 10, 2015
You are very correct that being sociable takes a great deal of concentrated effort for her. Your suggestion is wise and worth considering, thank you!
Always Laughing ⋅ October 10, 2015
It's like you live alone even though you don't.
colojojo ⋅ October 14, 2015
Honestly, I can't pay attention to the tv AND a conversation either, so often I pause the tv or mute it when someone is talking to me, or if we both decide what is going on on tv is more important, we will wait to talk until commercials.