Twitter: An Example in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era
- Oct. 4, 2015, 7:24 a.m.
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- Public
You know how I talk CONSTANTLY about how much my wife hates/doubts herself? I could not have written a better example than what happened today!
I was trying to tell Wife how beautiful she was today… and (like usual) she wasn’t having it. AT ALL. Almost going to the point of an argument. Because (to her) the only reason(s) I would think her beautiful are (1) I’m hard up; (2) I’m an idiot; (3) I’m blind; or (4) I’n a desperate pervert. UGH. So I tried to convince her that she was AT LEAST as beautiful or more beautiful than 50% of the world’s current population. Still? A struggle. Still...... an argument. Seriously?! If the man/woman/other you were dating tried to tell you that they appreciated how your face looked.... would YOU turn it into an argument?! Would YOU make it into some big negative deal?! Or… more importantly… do any of my readers think they could genuinely state “I’m less attractive than 50% of the ENTIRE GLOBAL POPULATION”
Talk about frustrating.
Last updated January 05, 2016
stargazing ⋅ October 04, 2015
I don't think that's too unusual, unfortunately. We are bombarded with perfect images in magazines...we can never live up to that.
Sharee ⋅ October 04, 2015
I don't argue with my husband over compliments but I do generally dismiss them, 'whatever' is my usual reply. But then, I do tend to argue with other people who compliment me...I'm working on just saying thank you instead of explaining to them why they're wrong.
Park Row Fallout Sharee ⋅ October 04, 2015
Exactly! "Thank you" or even a smile would do. It is like someone telling you "I'm the Lord Jesus Christ!"... if they believe that, maybe they are crazy... but dismissing it in your head and walking away is always the best choice. Strangely... I just... have always thought that was the best way of taking a compliment, lol
Always Laughing ⋅ October 04, 2015
I have my self doubt, but I have learned to accept that although I don't see myself as beautiful, I accept that others can see what I don't and I say thank you and for that little moment I kinda do feel beautiful. So I would say her self doubt and loathing are really something she needs therapy for. I often think I need therapy and if I can accept a compliment and know it is genuine maybe she is far worse off than you think.
Deleted user ⋅ October 05, 2015
How could anyone turn you are beautiful into a fight? Your wife confuses me already and I only found you yesterday! I am also a woman.. weird.
colojojo ⋅ October 05, 2015
Even on my low days, I wouldn't fight about a compliment. I know that just makes my husband feel awkward. On my lowest day I will say thank you in a mom-believing-"whatever" manner. But of course, this is me not wanting to upset my husband for paying a compliment. Your wife clearly has no problem getting you upset.
Rhapsody in Purple ⋅ October 06, 2015
I think attractiveness is pretty subjective. I don't think i'm less attractive that 50% of the rest of the world, but i think more than 50% of the world would class me as unattractive.
I used to fight with anyone who found me attractive. Any man who paid me a compliment i would quickly tell him that he was either wrong or lying. It wasn't until one male friend was like "hey, i'm entitled to find beautiful what i find beautiful without you telling me i'm wrong so shut the fuck up." although not that latter part, but along those lines. So then i had to teach myself just to say thank you. Whatever i feel about myself shouldn't be projected on how other people see me. But it was hard work for me to do that, to just say Thank you and not have to follow it up with other things to show how wrong they were.
Do you know what your wife's love language is? maybe its not words of affirmation and there are other ways to communicate this with her.
Park Row Fallout Rhapsody in Purple ⋅ October 07, 2015
It is an excellent question... and something I've asked her and our marriage counselor (when we still went) asked her. No idea what hers is. She says service. So, I've tried to do that. Breakfast, house cleaning, all that. But it usually winds up unmentioned and (to my knowledge) unappreciated. But that may be an Autism Spectrum thing.
Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ October 09, 2015
I think it's difficult to accept compliments like this because we don't all see through our own eyes what other people see when they look at us, and because our definitions of beauty are not the same. I do not fit my own mental definition of beauty, so I find it very hard to accept that I may fit someone else's. I know that turning a compliment into an argument isn't healthy, but it can be frustrating to try to explain just HOW bad you feel about yourself when the other person thinks you look fine... that frustration is kind of a spiral, because if I know I'm upsetting the other person by being down on myself, it upsets me too.
Park Row Fallout Waiting For Sunrise ⋅ October 09, 2015
It has been an interesting personal learning curve for me as the two women I've (probably) loved the most both had/have giant personal demons on self-image. Aoife was downright anorexic and this was an example of Wife. Of course, my introspective side wonders what that says about me, lol