Closure. in 2015

I sent that letter to her on FB today, with all of my heart and all of my thoughts contained therein. I didn’t expect a response, but it still made me feel better. At least I had done everything I could reasonably do to let someone know how I feel and try to keep them in my life.

I did get a response. She told me how she was doing and said she appreciated what I wrote. She said she enjoyed the time we spent together and she thanked me for helping her through her divorce and being patient while she was drunk. She said she wants to continue being friends and that she needs to focus on school for the next year. She seemed happy I had found my motivation, wished me well and said she’d see me around the next time there was a party.

That’ll do, pig, that’ll do. We are not dating again, but she didn’t necessarily say no to dating in the future…Cue the crazy thoughts. But really, she won’t be done with school until at least next December. Life will be far different then. I will be actively working on achieving my dreams with tangible progress. I’ll have certainly met more women. Perhaps I’ll be single and happy, or in love. And perhaps I’ll still pine for her, my resolve strengthened with time and the comparisons wrought through experiences with others. Every outcome fills me with happiness. I may not have won the grand prize, but I got second place. I kept her in my life, I didn’t give up, I fought and tried with all of my heart. For the first time in my life, I didn’t just accept a person who I loved leaving my life, and it worked. I have enough reasons and enough motivation to bust my ass every day in the future, but I’m not going to lie, there is a part of me that will fight to prove myself to her. That should diminish in time, because I’m not Scott Pilgrim wanting to fight Gideon for Ramona, I’m Scott Pilgrim wanting to fight Gideon for me. Or something. Nevertheless, the possibilities exist. The future is exciting.

I weighed in at 195 today, so I’m halfway to my goal. I had to fast for 12 hours before my blood draw for the biometric screening for our insurance at work. As such, I didn’t work out last night or this morning, so I didn’t expect to already be at 195. I was nervous but working through it today, and as soon as I checked my phone and saw she had responded, my day improved dramatically. It didn’t end in silence like times before. Things really are different now in my life. I’m different. I came home, did 90 minutes of cardio, and wrote a song literally as soon as I walked into my apartment, it just came into my head. Not a bad weekend so far.