of all things in 2015

5:06pm

I’m at work. shhhh… =]

Started typing this up last night:

So, I’m trying to get into bed, but I just have to type this up on my phone real quick. There’s something about keeping track of these coincidences that makes me feel better. It’ll probably give me a good laugh later too. And I need it out of my head so that I can sleep. You all know what this is going to be about.

Last night [two nights ago?] I wrote up an entry where I casually mentioned still having thoughts about CK. I hadn’t brought him up in a while so I just wanted to put it out there that it wasn’t entirely forgotten yet. A reminder, of sorts, to my future self when I inevitably go back and reread everything.

Then today I was sitting in the car, waiting for Mom to get out of her doctors appointment, and I started skimming through an old notebook. I was looking for a place to start writing a paper entry out of boredom and the desire to put words down. In that notebook, I came across one [of only 2 entries] in which the entire thing was basically about CK.

Several hours later, after taco Tuesday and a few margaritas, I was at home sitting outside in the dark [Mom was watering the lawn, I was providing moral support - maybe I spend too much time with Mom? haha]. Anyway, I was sitting on the bricks contemplating life and staring at the sky. I looked up to see a bright light streaking through the dark and down in-between the neighbor’s trees across the street. I’m guessing it was a shooting star, at least as far as I could tell. That would become only like the 5th shooting star I have ever seen in my life. Two of which just happened to have occurred while I was with CK. The last one having taken place while I was standing with him [during our last conversation] only feet from where I was tonight and staring off in that same direction. Probably even around the same time of night too.

So of course I’m thinking about how weird it all is. It had only been a few days, Sunday night maybe, since I’d stood outside and wondered why the heck I haven’t been able to let go. Everything is clearly telling me to stop holding on - logic, reason, my own rational brain, and especially his particular actions. But here I am, months later, and I am still having the same thoughts and wondering the same things.

But then stuff like this happens and I’m questioning why the universe won’t let me let go. It doesn’t make sense to still be wrapped up in this. Luckily, I was distracted enough to not sit outside and ponder these never ending questions for the rest of the night.

I went inside, watched some TV, hung out. Usually I head off to my room right around the time the news starts. I was kind of interested to hear about the Pope being in the US and stuck around a little longer. Also, I was hoping to hear that the weather would drop out of the 100s for the first day of Autumn.

The news comes on, they talk about random whatever [too many fires in CA, no water, we’re all dying, etc] and the local anchorman comes on live from DC to tell us all about the happenings with the Pope. They start interviewing a couple priests and it was either the first or second that flashed on the screen, and I gasped out loud. He had the exact first and last name of CK. Mind you, it’s not a very popular name. And he was a catholic priest. And all these other things had been happening to me all day. !

Mom saw the name and asked something about him maybe being the dad? haha. Don’t think those guys have kids. So we laughed about it and the crazy coincidental spelling, then the subject was changed without any other questions/comments.

Except, of course, I couldn’t just go to my bed and fall asleep after that. Hence, this entry.

I am feeling better about it now. I mean, at this point, all I can really do about it is laugh. The questions won’t be answered. The situation won’t be changed. Life will just continue to go on the way it’s supposed to.

I’m okay with that. But I still want to write it down, get it out of my head, and have some kind of weird record of all the ways the universe finds it funny to torture me. ;)

rose.
5:33pm