SAD REALIZATIONS in THOUGHTS

TRUE OR NOT? I Realized today that my husband never enjoyed being a father!!!!! The key word is enjoyed! He did what he had to. He was always there and maybe that should be enough. I’ve realized for a long time he is a COLD man. That’s probably what his father was like. I was too timid, stupid and unaware to realize this years before. I DO KNOW NOW THAT I AM STARVING FOR ATTENTION! HE DOESN’T GIVE A HUG, CARESS ETC. UNLESS I ENCOURAGE IT. UNTIL JUST A FEW YEARS AGO I ALWAYS EXPECTED HIM TO MAKE THE “FIRST MOVE.” HE IS NOT A BAD MAN. HE JUST NEVER LEARNED HOW TO BE AFFECTIONATE ETC. I NOW KNOW THAT I HAVE TO INITIATE A KISS, A HUG ETC. HE IS NOT A LOVING GRANDFATHER EITHER. HE NEVER CALLS THEM. HE NEVER HUGS THEM UNLESS THEY HUG HIM FIRST. HOW SAD! I HAVE BEEN LIVING IN HIS COLD WORLD. I GUESS THAT IS WHY I HAVE NEVER BEEN TRULY HAPPY. I HAVE THINGS BUT I DO NOT HAVE LOVE! I AM NOT SAYING THE MAN DOESN’T LOVE US. HE DOES. HE JUST DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SHOW IT.
AT THIS STAGE I INITIATE WHATEVER I WANT/NEED. IT’S OK I GUESS BUT TONIGHT I REALIZED THAT EVEN THOUGH HE WAS A PRESENT FATHER HE NEVER WAS AN INVOLVED FATHER NLESS HE HAD TO BE. HOW SAD!!!!