My daughter is six. Over the past two years there have been many changes in our house and she has grown to become quite anxious. She is currently in counseling, we took her to the neurologist just to make sure that there wasn’t anything else going on, and before school ended I was in contact daily with her teacher.
Her anxiety manifests itself in several ways. The first is that she has become OCD in terms of using the bathroom. I don’t use that term lightly, it has been discussed with her doctors and therapist. At it’s worst, she was going to the bathroom anywhere from 4-7 times in a half hour. She was refusing to go anywhere because even the thought of a five minute car ride without access to a bathroom, made her freak out. This is an issue that seems to go in waves. It gets better, it gets worse, etc. right now, it seems somewhat under control. It is still noticeable but we have been able to go places and even take a family vacation.
The bigger issue for me is that she will not go to sleep. She lies awake for hours. I will lay with her, that does nothing. I have a relaxing bedtime routine, that does nothing. We even have a bedtime story designed to relax children and it knocks our other kids right out....not for my oldest. Once she finally cannot fight it any longer, I go to sleep knowing full well that she will be up and need me. When I do not address her needs and instead ignore her unwanted behavior, her anxiety grows until she has a full blown panic attack and wakes everyone in the house. This is not feasible for many reasons. So, I am a slave to my daughter at night, we refer to her as “the walker.”
This is particularly frustrating for me because when I am home with the kids all day, and then I am up with her all night, I literally never have any time to relax my mind and calm down. The anxiety builds within myself. Then, the only nights I gain respite is when my kids are with their father.
As any mom will tell you, especially anyone who had dealt with colic (as I had with her as well), getting no sleep or even rest does not end well. We are moms, not machines. Even a machine would burn out eventually if not maintained or allowed to reboot.
I simply cannot function and as such I become unproductive. The first things to go are always the things I need most for my own health....diet and exercise. I eat out if exhaustion and frustration and there is simply NO energy (or time for that matter) to exercise.
But most of all, it takes a huge toll on my relationship. We have no time together. He works all day, and soon I will as well, and then by the time I get into my bed it is often midnight, I am woken anywhere from one to four times during the night and then we are both up early to start our days....him to work and right now I am with the kids. Tonight, we got the children settled, everyone went to sleep. He cuddled me in, we prayed, and then we began to kiss. He told me that he wanted to spend time on me tonight. He feels that he often gets his, but I don’t as often. Just as I was stripped and his hands began to delicately trace my hips, there was the dreaded knock on the door. I put my clothes back on. We both went into her room. We laid her down, read her the magic story, I push gentle pressure against her back to provide the sensory input I know that she needs. The boy read the whole damn long story and she refused to go down. I started the “I will check on you every five minutes” bullshit that works with every other child but this one. Here I am, past midnight, the boy asleep in bed (so much for my turn) and the walker awake in her room. I can only pray that when I leave here, she has finally lost the sleep battle.
My body and mind cannot handle much more. I love her, so so much, but she is so emotionally draining. Her anxiety is worse than an adults.
Does anyone have any other ideas?
Do any of you know any natural supplements that aid in sleep that are safe for children? If not, do you know someone that might be able to help me?
I have been reaching out to any resources for advice. I have not had much help from the medical experts. The therapist gives me no feedback and I have to tell her exactly what to work on. The pediatrician tells me to go to the neurologist. The neurologist tells me to take her to a urologist but mentions nothing about sleep and has no answers for that.
Basically, I have come to terms that I am against this on my own. So, I am reading and researching and reaching out.
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