I’m a fucking mess today.
My kids are driving me batshit crazy. They are like leeches that suck every single ounce of energy out of my soul. All day, all night, when I am in the bathroom, when I am cooking or doing laundry. Every. Single. Moment.
I need some space. I need them to be able to function without me. I am not a helicopter parent, I don’t want them on top of me and I don’t sit on top of them.
I feel gross. I feel fat. I want a nice shower by myself and time to blow dry my hair. I want the motivation to exercise. I want to feel sexy again. Not like some blob creature. I find it wildly ironic that I am in a serious relationship with a very good looking, slender but built man and I am at almost my worst.
Also, because I am currently supporting a family of six, I am pretty much poor. Not that the boy doesn’t help, he does as much as e can, but with his current shitty job it just isn’t much. Although he really has been trying to land another teaching position. It’s just near impossible in these parts.
Last summer, I was single. I had enough money to cover bills and when I wanted more I would just prostitute. There was amazing money in it. I could do it once a week and have enough money to go and do whatever I wanted. Men would pay hundreds of dollars for almost nothing. One man gave me $500 to put lipstick on him and call him names as he jerked off onto himself. In 20 minutes, while clothed, I made $500. And these were not gross men or old men. These were young guys, mostly married, with high end jobs. They were respectful, generous and enjoyable to be around.
I can’t do that now. As easy as it would be. I have changed my ways. The boy adores me and I would never want to hurt him. So, poor it is.
I’m going to go take some caffeine pills, rinse off, put on real clothes and try to do something slightly productive.
Tomorrow is a new day. It will be better. I’ve got this.
Loading comments...