Unsent in Diary

All of her email addresses I had are invalid at this point. Her mom happens to be in town, now, but I don’t want to try and get to Jody through her. It just wouldn’t feel right to me. I’m really sad and disappointed. But it was really good for me to write the email, anyway. For my own sake. I’m glad I did it, but… Damnit, I wish she could see what I wrote. I love her so much, more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I don’t care if it’s weird or socially unacceptable for me to feel that way about her. How can I feel guilty about being in love with her? It’s not possible.

So all of that obsessing, the email…everything I felt was all for nothing. All those days I spent thinking about her… Disgustingly disappointing. Ugh. Shazbot.

I loved her so much, and I still do. If it wasn’t for how I felt about her, I wouldn’t even believe in love because of how often things go wrong. Love always dies or gets hopelessly distorted. It’s so disappointing, like life is in general. I don’t even care, but I believe in true love, Princess Bride style, and I think it’s no fantasy. It’s real, to me, and it means something.

Well anyway, I’m tired. I need to sleep.